Cold One

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The Cold One motto

Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, it is shown in Peasant's Quest that the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler. Also, since the Strong Bad screensaver displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", and that Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are "brewed in Foreign Lands", the conclusion must be that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. In addition, "Room Temp-A-Ture Ones" could possibly be referring to the misconception that the English prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature.

It is revealed in the email "super powers" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.


The Property of Ones

Main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems#The Property of Ones

According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:

The Oneitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the One.

Or in other words:

The colder it is, the more of a one it is.

Types of Ones

  • Cold Ones — Preferred by Strong Bad.
  • Cool Ones — A nice alternative on spring nights.
  • Not So Cold Ones — Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs.
  • Room Temp-A-Ture Ones — A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands.
  • Wärm Önes — Foreign brand straight from the oven.
  • Cold None — Not to be wished on anyone.
  • Xtra Cold Ones — A step up from Cold Ones.
  • Cold One Ice — Thrown at a moose lamp.
  • 'old One — Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad.
  • Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones — From the screensaver.
  • One That Is Not Cold — The sender of property of ones almost drank this brand. Scarcely a One at all.
  • Cold Ones Light — A light variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo (see comparison).
  • Expen$e Account Ones]] —

Coldson Lite

The Cheat's cold one of choice

Coldson Lite is a Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Molson, a Canadian beer. It looks suspiciously like a can of Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004.


See Also

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