Cold One
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler in the email "for kids". Also, since the Strong Bad screensaver displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", and that Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are "brewed in Foreign Lands", the conclusion is that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. In addition, "Warm Ones" could possibly be referring to the misconception that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature.
It is revealed in the email "super powers" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.
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Property of Ones
Equation stated by Strong Bad for determining the Oneness of a One:
- oITUDE is a measure of the Oneness of a One.
- T is the temperature of the One.
- cITUDE is the coldness of the One, and can be assumed to be the inverse of the temperature: cITUDE = 1 / T. Thus, when the temperature of a One is very large, its coldness is close to zero, and when the temperature of a One approaches absolute zero, it achieves maximum coldness.
oITUDE ∝ cITUDE
In other words, there is a proportionality constant k (in units of Oneness times units of temperature) which uniquely determines the Oneitude of a One given its temperature:
oITUDE = k / T
...or, in a more simple form:
The OneITUDE is directly proportional to the ColdITUDE of the One.
Types of Ones
- Cold Ones – Preferred by Strong Bad.
- Cool Ones – A nice alternative on spring nights.
- Not So Cold Ones – Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs.
- Room Temp-A-Ture Ones – Foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands.
- Warm Ones – Foreign brand straight from the oven.
- Cold None – A kind of cold one you don't want to end up with.
- Xtra Cold Ones – A step up from Cold Ones.
- Cold One Ice – Thrown at a moose lamp.
- 'old One – Enjoyed by Pom Pom and Homestar Runner.
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Coldson Lite
Coldson Lite is a Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a spoof of Molson, a Canadian beer. It looks suspiciously like a can of Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004.
Appearances
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