Coach Z

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{{charnav|Coach Z|cz|Marzipan|Bubs}}
{{charnav|Coach Z|cz|Marzipan|Bubs}}
[[Image:coach-z.png|thumb|right|200px|"One two, one two!"]]
[[Image:coach-z.png|thumb|right|200px|"I regret everything!"]]

Revision as of 22:14, 5 October 2008

Character: Coach Z
watch Coach Z's character video Marzipan Bubs
"I regret everything!"



Coach Z is the "coach" of the residents of Free Country, USA, though it is unclear exactly which sports he coaches. He has a strong Upper Midwestern accent which sometimes gets him into trouble. He almost never says anything negative to anyone, and he often offers more encouragement than is needed. When giving advice, he tends to start with the phrase "You can't just rush into the score zone", which by now has lost its meaning. He wears a blue and purple baseball cap and is famous for the large gold Z emblem around his waist, but nobody knows for sure whether his bright green color is his skin or a body suit. However, baby Coach Z seems to be wearing footy pajamas in the email highschool, and on more than one occasion, Coach Z has mentioned his pants. In shapeshifter, Coach Z referred to his outfit as his "sweaty sweat-sweats", which was seen to have at least one pocket. His head is a white sphere with light gray circles for eyes. Coach Z lacks a nose or mouth. He is also one of the few main characters with clearly defined hands and feet; Coach Z's arms are long compared to his body, and very short legs leading to wide feet.

An unshaven Coach Z talking about his butt.

As Coach Z himself is not afraid to admit, he's got more than two problems. Despite being a coach, he doesn't know what a basketball is, as indicated in secret recipes. It has been implied that he has a crush on Marzipan, and he has occasionally made inappropriate comments about her; one occasion on her answering machine when he was drunk, and another during the commercial break of the 4Tst annual Fall Float Parade. In fact, in diorama, he claims that Marzipan is his "gorgeous girlfriend". He also cannot say the word "job", as shown in the "A Jorb Well Done" cartoon. He sometimes may pronounce it as "jorb", "jaerb", or "jareoarb". He has a drinking problem and can frequently be seen consuming mouthwash, as seen in The Best Decemberween Ever and Decemberween Short Shorts, among other appearances. In addition to his frequent mispronunciations, Coach Z also seems to have mental and gender confusion problems, as evidenced by the time he spent "talking to his parents" on a disconnected telephone, and claiming to be a mother in garage sale. He has even stated on one occasion that he sometimes "forgets what's real, and what's just in [his] head". He also has trouble managing his money, causing his electricity to be shut off each year. He has an apparent fixation with butts, and he seems to have a habit with butt-patting. He was told by Homestar Runner in Decemberween Short Shorts to not tell people about his butt when they asked him "What's up". He works with Homestar Runner and Bubs as the apparent local law enforcement in Free Country, USA, and he makes frequent jokes and references about pants, whether his own or someone else's. In recent cartoons it appears that Coach Z is the janitor at the office where Homestar and Strong Bad work. He is paid on hourly wage and is clearly jealous that Strong Bad is paid on salary. He has also spent time dressed as the Blubb-O's Drive-Thru Whale mascot. Many characters see him as a nuisance, and even Homestar has treated Coach Z with contempt in Decemberween Short Shorts, where Coach Z wants to go to Homestar's house for Decemberween, and Homestar replies with a "no" (numerous times).

The craptain of the foortball torm!

Coach Z is a fan of hip-hop and rap music, particularly the Wu-Tang Clan. He fancies himself a rapper as well: He released the single "These Peoples Try to Fade Me," which appeared on Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits, his solo album, entitled "The Z Is All Up Ins", features the smash hit "Hip Hop Dance", and his own rap song, "Rap Song" (featuring Peacey P and Tenerence Love).

"Hey, watch where y'er pointin' that 3D!"

Coach Z's age is ambiguous, as he appears to be grown up when Strong Bad was a kid in the email stand-up, while they both appeared to be babies in the email highschool (although Strong Bad said that he had a "doodle memory".).

Coach Z and Bubs had a falling out at one point, as Fall Float Parade tells us. But as of the email narrator it seems they're back to having boring conversations outside Bubs' Concession Stand.

Coach Z owns four Tony awards but it is unknown if he actually won them.

Character Video Transcript


{Page Title: Drop Down and Gimme 20!!} {Places: Coach Z's Locker Room}

COACH Z: {looking slightly offscreen} Is that thing on? {turns to the camera lens} Hey there, ho there! I'm the Coach! The Coach Z, I'd guess you'd call me. Or plain old Coach is fine, seein' as I'm the only one around, so, probably no one else would answer to that. You say "Hey Coach!", and I'd say "Yeah?" or..."That's me!" or..."Hoo-hah!" {waves his arms in the air} Any one of those. There's rumors flyin' around that I sleep in one of these lockers {gestures to the lockers behind him}, but uh, that's just not true. I usually crash on this bench here. {gestures to the bench behind him} My back's not in real good condition. {rubs his back} And now, I'd like to perform my hip-hop single, "These peoples try to fade me." {holds up a microphone, begins to sing} A one-two, a one-two—!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {appears in front of camera} Sorry. We're all out of tape.

Coach Z's Accent

The primary factor in his hilarity, Coach Z's Upper Midwestern accent has made him into a very quotable character.

Sounds Affected

The most commonly mispronounced sounds are long e (i.e. The Cheat) and the short o (job), which both come out as an "or" or "aer" ("The Chort", "jaerb").

List of mispronounced words

Original Word Coach Z's version(s) Appears In
About Abrat No Hands On Deck!
Accent Orccent/Accernt Accent
Action Airkshin Happy Fireworks, Main Page 23
Athlete Airthlete The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in His Craw
Awful Orful Email secret recipes
Balloon b'lloon Fall Float Parade
Bomb Baermb The House That Gave Sucky Treats,
These peoples try to fade me
Captain Craptain Email highschool
Chips Chorps 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Crap Crop Accent
Credenza Cradernza 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Crickets Crackets Happy Hallow-day
Cubicle Kyorbicle DNA Evidence
Decemberween Decemberwern The Best Decemberween Ever
DELETED DELORTED Email replacement
Did Doird Dangeresque (karaoke)
Disco Disca Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2
Drop Drap Email your funeral
Duck Dook Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Exaggerate Exorggerate Accent
Fhqwhgads Forhorgalingrads Email sibbie (Easter Egg)
Field Fierld Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0
Five Farve A Decemberween Pageant
Flapjacks Florpjacks Accent
Football Team Foortball Torm Email highschool
Forgot to putt Forgort to port, forgat to prat, gorka fa pork Email mini-golf
Gosh Gorsh Email strong badathlon
Gluten and Glutton Glorten Weclome Back
Halloween Halloworn The Best Decemberween Ever
Halloween Hallerwern Jibblies 2
Happy Hallow— Horpy Horlow— Happy Hallow-day
Happy T Horpy Tor Happy T!
Hello Hellor Homestar Presents: Presents
Homestar Hamstray, Hamster, Stramstar,
Stairmaster, Homegrown, Ramrod, Humphel
A Jorb Well Done
Hoot Hort Happy Hallow-day
I Feel Bad Ir feer borld Email part-time job (commentary)
Idea Idear Happy Hallow-day
Inappropriate Inapprapriate Fall Float Parade
Inoculate Anorculate BHZ Anniversary Message
Jibblie Jorbaly Jibblies 2
Job Jorb, Jaerb, Jarb, Joerghb, Jaeoreorb A Jorb Well Done,
Email boring (really)
Jujyfruits Jorjyfruits, Jerjyfrorts, Georgie Frorgie,
George Foreman
The House That Gave Sucky Treats
Locker Lacker/Lacquer Email part-time job (commentary),
Email myths & legends (Easter Egg)
Man Marn Dangeresque (karaoke)
Mike Mork Email part-time job (commentary)
Mother Mudder No Hands On Deck!
Mouthwash Mouthwarsh The Best Decemberween Ever
Musical Myorsical No Hands On Deck!
Not Nat Decemberween Short Shorts, Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
October Orctober The Best Decemberween Ever
Office Arfice In Search of the Yello Dello
Out Oat A Jorb Well Done
Party Pratty Email impression
Pert Plus Port Plus Jibblies 2
Pom Pom Pam Pam Fall Float Parade
Problem Praeblem In Search of the Yello Dello
Rock bottom Rack battom Decemberween Short Shorts
Real Rrrl A Folky Tale
Revealed Revearled Email cliffhangers
Secret Sorcret, "secret sorcret" Email cliffhangers
Situation Sitch'ation A Folky Tale
Speakin' Sporkin' Email love poems
Sports Sprots Email part-time job (commentary)
Stick Stark Dangeresque (karaoke)
Stop Stap Rap Song
Strong Bad Spring Board Accent
Suck Sook Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Swedish Fish Swordish Feirsh 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Talkin' about Torkin' abort Happy Hallow-day
Terrible Terbirle Email senior prom
The Cheat The Chort see Nicknames
There Dere, dare Email lures & jigs, Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2, Email theme park, Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Thousand Trousand Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Thug Thorg Halloween Fairstival
Thumb Thermb Some Stupid Turkey
Toilet Terlet Halloween Fairstival,
A Folky Tale,
Halloween Potion-ma-jig (Bubs, Homestar),
Email unnatural
Tomato Tomater, "I zader matermorts" Fall Float Parade
Tomorrow Tomoarow, A Jorb Well Done
Trick or Treat Track or Trort 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Undefeated Undeforted Decemberween Short Shorts
Unfortunate Unfarchunate Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Up Arp Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Volvo Vorlvo rated
What Whort Date Nite
Yipe Yorp Email redesign


Evidence has suggested that Coach Z's accent may be bogus:

  • After saying "track or trort" in 3 Times Halloween Funjob, Bubs gets on his case and he says it correctly. If given "Swedish Fish," said as "Swordish Forsh," Bubs gets on his case again and Coach Z says "It's a crowd-pleaser."
  • In boring (really), while Strong Bad is writing his list of three-letter words, Coach Z interrupts him at the word "job", saying that "jorb is a four letters word."
  • Coach Z says "The Cheat" immediately after "The Chort" in mascot, though he speaks as though he's talking about two different people.
  • In the DVD commentary for part-time job, Mike exploits Coach Z's "accent" by implying that not only does Coach Z add the letter R to words, but now also likes to switch letters around sometimes, and in reply Coach Z partially admits to his accent being bogus.
  • In cliffhangers, in the process of his attempted unmasking of The Thnikkaman, he says "secret sorcret" twice, referring to Thnikkaman's secret being revealed and his shame in having really bad hand-eye coordination.

Featured in

Coach Z's "more than two problems"

Coach Z has claimed to have "more than two problems." An analysis of his behavior shows the following problems.

  • Speech Impediment

Fun Facts

  • Coach Z's accent came from a depressing Midwestern voice that Matt and some friends would do in college.
  • It was revealed in issue #21 of Wonkavision magazine that Coach Z is named after Craig Zobel.
  • According to trading cards, Coach Z gave 23 butt pats in 1984 (22 to Homestar, 1 to himself).
  • Coach Z was originally known as "Coach Zee."
  • Strong Bad referred to Coach Z as "Green Bubs" in the email road trip.
  • In Date Nite he is shown without his hat and wearing hair curlers, despite a lack of visible hair.
  • On Coach Z's emblem, the darker blue shine streak under the gold Z makes a backwards Z formation.
  • According to the Old Characters Page, Coach Z wasn't much of a coach at the time, and he just added the title because it sounded "cooler than just Z". He has been seen coaching on numerous occasions since then, though his talent at it is still dubious at best.


Main article: Character Relationships


Halloween Costumes

In each Homestar Runner Halloween special, Coach Z has dressed up as something hip-hop-related, or in the case of Theo Huxtable, something he believes to be hip-hop related. (The Noid costume was not released.)

Quotes of the Week

See Also

External Links

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