Coach Z's 110%

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Toon Category: Shorts
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"Thanks Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!"

Coach Z sells a sports motivation video tape.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Sad, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Mad

Places: Race Track, Coach Z's Locker Room

Date: Monday, December 8, 2008

Running Time: 1:42

Page Title: Rotating Computer Graphic Guaranteed!

Contents

Transcript

{Open to Strong Sad running slowly on The Track, chanting to himself.}

STRONG SAD: Sports and practice! Sports and practice!

{A loud beeping noise is heard, and Strong Sad stops running.}

STRONG SAD: {dejected} Oh, hash potatoes! I'll never be the number-one pick!

{Bright red text reading "HOLD ON!" is seemingly slapped onto the screen, and Strong Sad looks to the viewer.}

NARRATOR: {off screen} Hold on!

{The words on the screen start to skew backwards and then jump offscreen quickly. A graphic of a video tape - titled "Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video" - spins onto the screen over Strong Sad's face.}

NARRATOR: {off screen} Introducing Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!

{Brightly colored lines gleam from the video's box.}

{After a few seconds, an electro-pop type song starts playing, while clips of Homestar running on The Athletic Field, Coach Z talking to The Cheat in the Gymnasium, Strong Mad talking to Coach Z near the lockers in the Locker Room, and Strong Sad standing at the track, with Coach Z walking up to him fly across the screen. The latter makes its way to the center of the screen and zooms in to cover the complete viewing area.}

COACH Z: {walks up to Strong Sad, turns to the "camera", and starts speaking very statically and detached} Hi. I'm Coach Z.

{Zoom in on Coach Z}

COACH Z: The makers of this commercial have asked me to speak in a more toned-down voice.

{Quick zoom in on the coach from another angle}

COACH Z: As coach of world-champion hustlers and try-harders, {He holds up a trophy marked "HUSTLE", and a medal inscribed "You Tried!", and puts them down within a few seconds} I've cram-packed these-

{Cut to a whitish-gray screen, where 19 VHS boxes marked with the instructional video's packaging stack up. The initials "VHS" appear, and letters fly in from the right to make the initials now say "Video Hustle Series".}

COACH Z: -'VHS' cassette tapes, with all the secrets to step-by-step sports instructional videros {pronounced as "vid-ee-air-o-s"}.

{Cut to Homestar at The Field. He turns around and speaks to the viewer}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut to an orange background, where blue tapes marked with the tape number and titles like "TAPE FOUR: the fundamentals", "TAPE NINE: advanced techniques", and "TAPE FOURTEEN: training tips" float around the screen}

NARRATOR: {off screen} The fundamentals! Advanced techniques! Training tips! {Four tapes marked THE JOCK- part one, THE JOCK- part two, THE JOCK - part three, and THE JOCK- part four stack up on each other} And a so lots more!

{Cut to the Athletic Field where Homestar (in his "Team Kneepads" shirt), Strong Sad and The Cheat are standing behind three tires and three baseball gloves. A folded sign with "DRILLS" on it is present in front of The Cheat's tire.}

COACH Z: {As Homestar, Strong Sad, and The Cheat start to lean forward, and jump around in a 'warm-up like' fashion} My butt-patented system will get the results your youngster needs to not-get-made-fun-of out on the field {Pronounced as "Fee-air-ald"}.

{Quick cut again, to reveal Homestar standing around in a similar fashion to before, only at the Athletic Field}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut to Strong Bad, wearing a blue baseball cap, standing in front of an orange background with "This Pr♥duct" repeated on it (in a similar way to the Index Page). The logo of the video is hovered in front of his cap very wildly.}

STRONG BAD: This product is a product I endorse. {Makes a punch-like gesture at the viewer, and pauses awkwardly for a second} On my hat.

{Cut to The Locker Room, revealing Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut to a pie chart over a blue background, "HUS 75%", "T 16%", "L 6%" and "E 3%" are marked as so on the chart.}

COACH Z: My whole deal's backed up with {A green pie-chart piece reading "extra 10%" is dropped onto the chart} actual scientific findings— {Text reading "!!!!" appears, with a line connecting it and the new green pie-chart piece}

{A horizontally rotating human-like 3D figure is placed on the screen}

COACH Z: —and rotating computer graphics, so you know it's legit. {"100% Rotatey" appears on the screen, with a line connecting it to the rotating figure}.

{Cut to the Locker Room, where Homestar, glistening with sweat, is being interviewed. Microphones marked "Sporto TV" and "Sports Mics Inc." are held up to him, and TV bugs containing the text "LIVE-ish" and a logo for "VSTV - Vague Sports Television" are also on screen}

REPORTER: {off screen} Homestar Runner, you just won sports, how you did at??

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {out of breath} Well, we just brought our A game, you know? Everybody stepped it up out there, and then we stayed within ourselves, and decided that it would be a good strategy to try and score more points than our opponents within the allotted time. {sudden enthusiasm} Thanks, Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!

{Cut to a blue background, with 5 of the videos stacked among each other, a flashing "CALL NOW!!", and the price of "$59.95*". Below them is the text "We Accept:", followed by four credit cards}

NARRATOR: {off screen} Coach Z's 110% whatever machine! Only $59.95 plus shipping and handing, or free with proof of VCR-have {The text "*Free with proof of VCR-have" appear at the bottom}.

{Cut to a black background, with bright lines moving around randomly. Homestar appears again, back to the camera. He turns around, sporting a mustache, and speaks to the viewer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut back to the "pricing" screen, where "CALL NOW!!" is still flashing.}

Easter Egg

  • At the end, click on the video with the visible cover to see a scene of Strong Bad endorsing SBCG4AP.
    {Strong Bad is wearing a blue baseball cap, standing in front of an orange background with "This Pr♥duct" repeated on it (in a similar way to the Index Page). The text "SBCG4AP" is hovered in front of his cap very wildly.}
    STRONG BAD: This product is a product I endorse. {Makes a punch-like gesture at the viewer, and pauses awkwardly for a second} On my hat.

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • All four different cards read "5555 555 555" as their card numbers.
    • The one to the left reads "plastuique" on a diagonally striped blue/white/red background.
    • The next one is green, reads "$$$" on it and has a circle at the top left corner.
    • The third one reads an orange "plascardo" on a gray fill card.
    • The one to the right reads "VCR" on a card that remembles a VHS video.

Remarks

  • Though the ad says "Call now!", there is no phone number listed.

Inside References

Real World References

  • The 3-D rotating man is a reference to weight-loss or muscle-gain ads which show the potential bodily changes from using their product.
  • The floating endorsement on Strong Bad's hat is a reference to late night advertisements that use a similar technique to censor parts of the screen.
  • Homestar's interview with the reporter is a parody of typical aftergame sports interviews wherein the athletes make trite statements and platitudes.

External Links

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