Bug In Mouth Disease

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Homestar swallows a bug and fears the end of the good times. Strong Bad is glued to the TV.

Homestar swallowed a bug?!

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Sad, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, The bug, The King of Town, Pom Pom, Bubs

Places: The Field, Strong Bad's Basement, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: May 9, 2005

Running Time: 5:10

Page Title: Don't...kill...bugs.



{In the basement, Strong Sad is watching TV.}

TV VOICE: And that's why come Shakespeare was so awesome.

STRONG SAD: Oh! I see now.

(Strong Bad enters.)

STRONG BAD: Hey, Dairy Queen.

STRONG SAD: I already told you, I don't want to be called that any more! I made a mistake!

STRONG BAD: Oh, sorry, Dairy Queen. Anyways, look. I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labelled in an online auction.

STRONG SAD: {gets up, runs out of the room} Nobody buy the blue ones!

STRONG BAD: That was too easy. Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon! {turns on the TV}

TUCKSWORTH: Caleb, are you making a little tent out of my jacket?

CALEB: I am now.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, you make that little tent, Caleb! He's not the boss of you!

{Cut to the field. Homestar is running along.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing approximately to the tune of the Homestar Runner Theme Song} Homestar is running along. Homestar – {he suddenly stops and starts coughing profusely} Agh! I swallowed a bug! Bug swallow! Bug swallow! What do I do? What do I do? {composes himself} Okay, okay, calm down. Calm down. Remember health class. (goes down on one knee, speaks slowly and deliberately} Sir or madam, are you all right? Do you need medical resistance? {anguished} Oh, it's not working! The good times are over! {runs off}

{Cut to another part of the field, where the King of Town and Pom Pom are eating chocolate lollipops.}

KING OF TOWN: I keep telling him the sun don't rise and set on that pile of whatsit, but he don't want to listen!

{Homestar runs in.}

POM POM: {greeting bubbling noises}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom! Santa! I think I swallowed a bug! {kneels down in front of the King of Town} The good times are over! You gotta help me out! I could die!

KING OF TOWN: Well, what do you want we should do?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Give me them dang ice creams! {grabs the lollipops} We'll freeze them out! {scarfs the lollipops}

KING OF TOWN: Hey! That stuff's prescription!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sobs} It deliciously didn't work! {pokes Pom Pom with the lolly stick} Agh! (runs off}

{Cut to the basement, where Strong Bad is still watching TV.}

CALEB: You throw like a girl, Tucksworth.

TUCKSWORTH: Caleb, that suitcase was heavy.

{Strong Sad enters.}

STRONG SAD: What online auction? I can't find anything. I even did an image search for "the blue ones" and got nothing. Or… nothing pleasant, anyway.

STRONG BAD: Well, keep searching. Try putting stuff in quotes or something. Or use "and" and "or". Oh yeah, and go away.

STRONG SAD: Oh, Boolean operators! "Blue and ones"! Good idea! {walks off}

{Cut to Bubs' concession stand. Bubs is burning an envelope labelled "EXHIBIT A" with a candle.}

BUBS: This is just fine!

{Homestar runs in and Bubs drops the candle and throws away the envelope.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Bubs, you're a doctor, right? A bug flew into the side of my mouth. I'm afraid the good times are over!

BUBS: A doctor, eh? I think I might be one of those. Let me take a look. {examines a wad of business cards} Bail bondsman, paranormal investigator, normal investigator… Oh, here we go! "Dr." Bubs! Let's take a look atcha.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aaaaah. {opens mouth}

BUBS: Hmm… {peers inside; Homestar makes a noise} Yes. {Homestar makes a noise} Interesting. {Homestar makes a noise} I've got terrible, terrible news, Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh no! Is it about the good times?

BUBS: I'm afraid you've got no pancreas. But I do happen to have a fresh one for sale right here! {picks up a cooler labelled "EXHIBIT B" and places it on the counter}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Bubs, are you an unethical quack?

BUBS: The most quackinest!

{Cut to the basement, where Strong Bad is watching TV with a fork in his hand and a frying pan in his lap.}

STRONG BAD: {imitating Tucksworth} Strong Caleb, did you make the best omelette ever during the commercial break? {imitating Caleb} I sure did.

{Homestar runs in.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad! I think I –

STRONG BAD: (silencing him} A-na-ma! Not today, McDorkell.

{Homestar leaves then jumps in from the other side.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad! I think a bug might have –

STRONG BAD: Can't you see Grandma's watching her stories?

{Homestar leaves.}

TUCKSWORTH: Why aren't you breathing, Caleb?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {pops up from behind the couch} Strong Bad – {Strong Bad hits him with his pan} Ugh. {falls down}

ANNOUNCER: And coming up next on Caleb Rentpayer, find out who shot Caleb.

STRONG BAD: "Who shot Caleb?" Oh, there's no way I'm missing that one. No way.

{Some time later, Homestar emerges from behind the couch.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {yawns} That was a great skillet nap! Thanks, Strong Bad. Strong Bad?

{Strong Bad is duct-taped to the TV.}

STRONG BAD: Can't… miss… any of the action!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, the good times are over! I swallowed your computer!

STRONG BAD: You've what? {tears his head from the TV}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I mean a small bug. I swallowed a small bug.

STRONG BAD: Aw. Now my head's not taped to the TV.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, I really need your help!

STRONG BAD: And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, that's easy. I did.

STRONG BAD: You-ka – wha?

TUCKSWORTH: Homestar Runner, did you shoot Caleb?

{Homestar appears on the TV, wearing sunglasses.}


STRONG BAD: You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show! (throws the remote at Homestar's face}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hiccup. (the bug flies out of his mouth} Hey, look at that! A little guy. A bug did fly in my mouth!

STRONG BAD: Ugh… the good times are definitely over.

{Strong Sad runs in, wearing a blue pair of underwear.}

STRONG SAD: The world is saved! I found the blue ones!


Fun Facts

  • Caleb Rentpayer first appeared in secret recipes, watched by the King of Town. This is the first time the show and Tucksworth have been named.
  • A Boolean operator is a logical conjunction describing the relationship between two assertions ('and', 'or' and 'if') being primiary examples.
  • Chocolate lollipops were referenced in Homestar vs. Little Girl 2, in which Homestar doubted their existence.
  • "He's not the boss of you!" could be a reference to the theme song of Malcolm in the Middle written by They Might Be Giants

Inside References

  • Bubs saying "The most quackinest" is a reference to Pom Pom's character page, which is entitled "The most mackinest".

External Links

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