Baddest of the Bands Responses (Marzipan's)

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Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from Marzipan's House in Baddest of the Bands.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Contents

Outside

Coach Z

Only appears after persuading him to go to Marzipan's House while at The Track

Gravel

When the Zen rock is absent
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hmm. From the color of this gravel, and the stank of this fish smell, I'd say Marzipan recently cleaned out her aquarium.

STRONG BAD: It's some stank-gravel from Marzipan's aquarium.
When the Zen rock is present
STRONG BAD: I think all those little rocks will achieve a lot more in life with a big brother to look up to.

STRONG BAD: It's a big rock in the middle of some little rocks.

Zen Rock → Gravel

STRONG BAD: {Places the Zen rock in the gravel} These little bits of gravel need a big brother to look up to. There. Hopefully Zen Rock's example will keep these pebbles from turning to a life of crime. Or erosion.

Window

STRONG BAD: This window is usually where I steal fresh pies from Marzipan. Not today, though.

STRONG BAD: Hey, Marzipan's window's. You're looking so breakable today.

Zen Rock → Window

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Throwing rocks through Marzipan's window WOULD be fun... but getting busted wouldn't.

STRONG BAD: I'm not putting a rock through that window unless I can find someone dumb enough to take the fall for my high-level jinks.

Zen Garden

STRONG BAD: For my money, nothing calms the jangled nerves like screwing with Marzipan's Zen garden.

Zen Rock

STRONG BAD: {Takes the rock} Carefully arranging this rock in my pants will enhance my overall serenity.

Inside

Answering Machine

WADE: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Marzipan, this is Wade. My name is Wade. Just wanted to say how psyched we are to have you guys involved with Bat-Aid this year. Anyways, just hoping I could score some kind of promo photo of the band, y'know, to put up at the local herbal, coffee, nutritional, food, book... store... yoga, incense. Anyways, be well, sameling.

WADE: Hey, Melissapan, this is Wade. Wade from Bat-Aid... heh, poetry. Uh, listen, you got any Cool Tapes photos with just that baseball bat dude in 'em? Those other two... creatures are really starting to freak people out around here, and not in the good way. Heh, heh. Be well, sameling.

Cage

When bat is present
STRONG BAD: Yikes, that is one pathetic-looking bat.
MARZIPAN: For your information, Strong Bad, that is Pazquel, an endangered and precious Lithuanian Albino Vegan Bat.

STRONG BAD: So, are you guys gonna justify this bat's existence by biting its head off, or what?
MARZIPAN: Eww, gross.
When bat is absent
STRONG BAD: Even though the nasty bat is gone, the nasty bat cage is still plenty nasty.

The Cheat

STRONG BAD: Man, you GOTTA stop wasting your time with Marzipan and join a REAL band!
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: A three-album deal with guaranteed four-point back end!? Ding-dang, maybe I should join the Cool Tapes!
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} Maybe you should stop interrupting our rehearsals.

Contest Entry Forms → The Cheat

STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat, wanna become a rock 'n' roll god, like Whammy Bargeroth?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} If you've got any offers for the band, Strong Bad, run them by me first.
STRONG BAD: Don't you trust The Cheat?
MARZIPAN: The last time we let The Cheat sign something, we ended up doing that horrible promotion campaign...
{A record cover appears for the Cool Tapes' Doin' the Wigglie, featuring Marshie. The song plays while Marshie flies all around the screen singing his lyrics.}
MARZIPAN: {Singing on record} We're Cool Tapes and we're all jiggly.
MARSHIE: Ooooo!
MARZIPAN: {Singing on record} Something? here with Marshie just doin' the Wigglie.
MARSHIE: Doin' the Wigglie! Wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, go! Wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, go! I SAY GO!
{Record vanishes, and Strong Bad glances around the room}

STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat!
MARZIPAN: {Sings angrily} Stop bothering our drummer, Strong Bad!

Sword → The Cheat

If Strong Bad does not have both the defaced album and the contest flyer
STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat!
THE CHEAT: {noises}
STRONG BAD: I don't know what you're supposed to do with it. I was hoping you'd have some idea.
If Strong Bad has both the defaced album and the contest flyer
STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat, I've got a great idea!
THE CHEAT: Meh?
STRONG BAD: {Brings out sword} I need a hot blonde to hold this sword for the Greatest Album Cover Ever, and you're the closest thing available.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises. Takes the sword and strikes a pose. Fanfare plays. The Cheat puts the sword away.}
STRONG BAD: I knew I could count on you, The Cheat! I'll see you later at the shoot. Don't forget to wear a bikini!

Cool Tapes Logo

STRONG BAD: That's the original Cool Tapes graffiti that gave Marzipan the idea for her band. Considering Homestar painted it, she's lucky both words are spelt correctly.

Stencil → Cool Tapes Logo

STRONG BAD: That's a really good idea! ... But it's wrong.

Glossies

If Strong Bad does not already have one
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Cool Tapes glamour shots. Suitable for framing, autographing, or elaborate voodoo rituals. I'll just take one, in case I need to place an emergency hex on Marzipan, or something. {Takes one}

STRONG BAD: I'll just take another one. {Takes one}
If Strong Bad does already have one
STRONG BAD: I don't need a bunch of Cool Tapes photos cluttering up my infinite pockets.

Kitchen Door

STRONG BAD: Marzipan always keeps her kitchen boarded up when Strong Mad's around.

Marzipan

STRONG BAD: Marzipan!
MARZIPAN: Take five, everyone! What is it, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Yo!
MARZIPAN: Bring it down, gang! What now, Strong Bad?

Marzipan → Cool Tapes

STRONG BAD: What're you guys practicing for?
MARZIPAN: The Cool Tapes have been invited to perform at a concert to benefit the endangered Lithuanian Albino Vegan Bat, like {shot of bat cage} poor little Pazquel over there.
STRONG BAD: Ick, yuck!

Marzipan → Battle of the Bands Stage

Before giving Marzipan the bleached bat hutch
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {Gets out the entry forms} Are the Cool Tapes cool enough to compete in my Battle Royale of the Baaaaands-suh!?
MARZIPAN: Battle Royale of the Bands? Hmm... oh, too bad.
STRONG BAD: Too bad?
MARZIPAN: Your contest is on the same weekend we're playing a benefit show for the endangered Lithuanian Albino Vegan Bat, like {shot of bat cage} poor little Pazquel over there.
STRONG BAD: {Puts entry forms away} You're turning out a shot at the big time for a bunch of salad-munching, pink-eyed no-blood-suckers?
MARZIPAN: Yup!

STRONG BAD: Sure you won't change your mind about entering my Battle of the Bands?
MARZIPAN: As long as these bats are still endangered, the Cool Tapes will stand ready to rock on their behalf!
After giving Marzipan the bleached bat hutch

Marzipan → Cancel

STRONG BAD: Stay uncool.
MARZIPAN: You know it!

STRONG BAD: Well, I'll let you get back to killin' that cat... or whatever that noise you were makin' was.
MARZIPAN: G'bye!

Bat Hutch → Marzipan

If the bats have not yet been bleached
STRONG BAD: Hey Marzipan, take a look at these guys.
MARZIPAN: Aww, what cute little fruit bats. They're lucky that noone wants to eat, wear, or snort them, like the poor endangered Lithuanian Albino Vegan Bat!
If the bats have been bleached

Contest Entry Forms → Marzipan

Same effect as Marzipan → Battle of the Bands Stage

Glossy → Marzipan

STRONG BAD: Hey Marzipan! Could I get you to sign this Cool Tapes picture?
MARZIPAN: Sure thing! Who should I make it out to?

Glossy → Marzipan → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: Make it out to "Awesome Strong Bad." {Gives Marzipan the glossy}
MARZIPAN: {Angrily, writing on the glossy} Fine. "To awesome Strong Bad. You are not awesome. Love, Marzipan." Here. {Gives it back}
STRONG BAD: Fine, I was just gonna throw poison-tipped darts at it anyway.

STRONG BAD: "Strong Bad, the human kick-in-the-crotch!" {Gives Marzipan the glossy}
MARZIPAN: {writing on the glossy}I'm not writing that unless you WANT one of those. Here.{Gives it back}
STRONG BAD: "The human drippy drawers?" Hey!

Glossy → Marzipan → Homestar

STRONG BAD: Make it out to {overly-ennunciating} "Homestar." {Gives Marzipan the glossy}
MARZIPAN: {Angrily, writing on the glossy} What, he's too busy to see me himself? Fine. Here! {Gives it back}
STRONG BAD: Ouch! Is there such a thing as "written domestic abuse?"

Glossy → Marzipan → Bubs

STRONG BAD: Make it out to Buh-bs. {Gives Marzipan the glossy}
MARZIPAN: {writing on the glossy} "Dear Bubs. Thanks for all the free recyclable guitar picks, Marzipan." Here ya go! {Gives it back}
STRONG BAD: Thanks!

Glossy → Marzipan → Coach Z

{Only availble until Strong Bad gives Coach Z a glossy that's addressed to him}
STRONG BAD: How 'bout one for Coach Z? {Gives Marzipan the glossy}
MARZIPAN: Oh, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. He's been sending us some pretty disturbing fan mail lately...
STRONG BAD: That's just Z bein' Z.
MARZIPAN: Oh, ok. {writing on the glossy, in a very resigned voice} "Dear Coach Z, all my best, Marzipan." {Gives it back}
STRONG BAD: Cool. I'm sure he'll love it.

Glossy → Marzipan → Homsar

STRONG BAD: How 'bout one for Homsar? {Gives Marzipan the glossy}
MARZIPAN: He's a fan?
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah, he raves about the Cool Tapes all the time! At least, I think he does... he's raving about something.
MARZIPAN: Cool! Let's see... {writing on the glossy} "Dear Homsar. Spaghetti dump truck laser beams! Wheezily, Matzah Ball." {Gives it back}
STRONG BAD: Niiiice.

Glossy → Marzipan → Cancel

STRONG BAD: On second thought, skip it.

Sword → Marzipan

If Strong Bad does not have both the defaced album and the contest flyer
STRONG BAD: I'd rather not start waving my weapons around Marzipan without a good reason. The last time, she hit me with some sort of... pepper... taser.
If Strong Bad has both the defaced album and the contest flyer
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey Marzipan!
MARZIPAN: What?
STRONG BAD: {Brings out sword} Could you hold this for me?
MARZIPAN: Why
STRONG BAD: I'm working on this album cover, and I need a hot blonde to pose in a bikini with a giant sword on top of a flaming car. And even though you aren't really all that hot--
{Marzipan whacks Strong Bad with Carol, earning a Strong Bad Abuse point}
STRONG BAD: So you'll think about it? {Turns away} Lucky for me, Marzipan's not the only blonde in town.

STRONG BAD: I'd better not. I don't think my face can stand any more invisible slapping. I wonder if there are any other hot blondes who might wanna pose for me?

Painting

STRONG BAD: You're welcome.

Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: What's the woid, bug guy?
STRONG MAD: LITHUANIAN?
MARZIPAN: You can talk to him AFTER rehersal, Strong Bad.

Contest Entry Forms → Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: Hey, big fella. How'd you like to be a big star? Er... a bigger star?
STRONG MAD: STAR?
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} Don't bother brother Strong Mad, Strong Bad. {Happily} Hey, that could be a song! {Sings} Don't bother brother Strong Mad, Strong Bad.

Stuffed Poodonkis → Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: After all the grief I went through to get this thing, there's no way I'm just giving it back to him.

Strong Sad

Only appears until Strong Bad spray-cheeses SECURITY on the Strong Badia fence
STRONG BAD: Hey, teenage lobotomy.
STRONG SAD: Don't bother me, Strong Bad, I've got snooty rock journalism to pursue.

STRONG BAD: Hey.
STRONG SAD: Can this wait? I'm hot on the trail of a story!

Strong Sad → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: What drags you out to Cool Tapes' practice space, I mean, waste of space?
STRONG SAD: I'm covering the Cool Tapes' preparations for their next gig, a benefit concert for the Vegan Albino Bat.
STRONG BAD: Wow. Slow music news day, huh?
STRONG SAD: I'm also keeping my ears open for chatter about any hot new acts. The Cool Tapes have lots of connections in the underground music scene.

Strong Sad → Cool Tapes

STRONG BAD: How'd Marzipan get two kinda cool guys like Strong Mad and The Cheat in her band anyway?
STRONG SAD: She lets them each write one song per album.
STRONG BAD: Ah, that would explain a lot.

Strong Sad → Battle of the Bands Stage

STRONG BAD: Hey, I got a story for you, Mister Snooty Rock Journalist: "Prepare ye all butts for maximum kickage, as Strong Bad organizes a legendary Battle Royale of the Bands!!"
STRONG SAD: No, you're not.
STRONG BAD: No, really. It'll have security and celebrity judges and everything!
STRONG SAD: And ponies?
STRONG BAD: Yeah, and ponies! Whu-hey!
STRONG SAD: {Chortles}

Strong Sad → Security Jacket

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {In his hyping-it-up voice} Check out this article of clothing.
STRONG SAD: What is it?

STRONG BAD: So, about that jacket I showed you.
STRONG SAD: Yes?

Strong Sad → Security Jacket → Angel

{First time only, and only if the Angel option is selected first}}
STRONG BAD: It's a security jacket. Y'know, the kind worn by security guards at concerts.
STRONG SAD: Ok, I can't stand those guys. They're always laughing at my press pass.

STRONG BAD: It's not really a tour jacket. It's just a run-of-the-mill security jacket.
STRONG SAD: I don't believe you.
STRONG BAD: What?
STRONG SAD: I think you're just trying to cover up for liking a band noone's ever heard of.

Strong Sad → Security Jacket → Devil

STRONG BAD: {If the Angel option is chosen first, add: It's not really a security jacket.} It's a tour jacket for this hot new indie rock band called Security!
STRONG SAD: "Security?" I've heard people talking about them. A lot of people.
STRONG BAD: See? They're hot!
STRONG SAD: But talk is cheap. Real indie bands have street teams that use guerilla marketing tactics to get their name and logo up all over the place.

Strong Sad → Cancel

STRONG BAD: Well, you're lame and I'm awesome. Bye.
STRONG SAD: See ya.

STRONG BAD: All right, I'm outta here. Watch out for the bats, Hunter S. Dumpson.
STRONG SAD: Oh. Bye.

STRONG BAD: See ya later, Dumptake.
STRONG SAD: Later.

Sword or Bat Hutch → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: After all the grief I went through to get this thing, there's no way I'm just giving it back to him.

Window

STRONG BAD: This window is usually where I steal fresh pies from Marzipan. Not today, though.

STRONG BAD: Hey, Marzipan's window's. You're looking so breakable today.

Zen Rock → Window

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Throwing rocks through Marzipan's window WOULD be fun... but getting busted wouldn't.

STRONG BAD: I'm not putting a rock through that window unless I can find someone dumb enough to take the fall for my high-level jinks.


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