Baddest of the Bands Responses (House of Strong)

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Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from House of Strong in Baddest of the Bands.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Contents

Basement

Couch

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: I haven't checked the couch for change, chips, or charred remains recently. {Checks the couch, finds pants} What's this? Nothin' says "I have no business wearing these" like leopard print pants! I may have to oil myself up just to fit in them at the photo booth!

STRONG BAD: {Checks the couch} What's this? Nothin'.

Television

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Cool, a marathon of those depressing rockumentaries! Uh-oh, they did the inverted negative photo thing... somebody's goin' to rehab...

{Second time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, this rockumentary's about that band, "Bigg Nife." No way! The lead singer's name isn't really "Rip Nife?" I feel so used!

{Subsequent times}
STRONG BAD: Do we really need a rockumentary about the guys who wrote "Left-Shift-Alt-Delete?"

Trogdor Game

STRONG BAD: Once those replacement parts clear customs, I'll be back to burninating pesants in the comfort of my basement, the way the good Lord Trogdor intended!

Bathroom

LARP Sword

When Strong Sad is present
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, how'd you get your fake, dress-up sword out of Pompomerania, er, Club Technochocolate?
STRONG SAD: That, my friend, is a tale fraught with intrigue, drama and mild adventure! It all started when--
STRONG BAD: {interrupting} Yeah, yeah, stop talking. Can I borrow it?
STRONG SAD: No.

STRONG BAD: C'mon, let me borrow your wussy role-playing sword.
STRONG SAD: Not for all the gold in Peasantry!
When Strong Sad is absent
STRONG BAD: {Takes the sword} I'm not sure which is duller, my brother or this padded safety sword. Let's call it a tie.

Mirror

STRONG BAD: Why hello, gor-gee-ous!

Shower

STRONG BAD: Welcome to Mildew City. Please fasten your gag reflex.

Sink

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad keeps the sink clean enough to eat out of... which I often make him do.

Toilet

STRONG BAD: It's a miracle the toilet is still functioning after the workout the King of Town gave it last month!

Computer Room

Light Switch

STRONG BAD: {Turns switch off, waits, then turns it back on again}

{The first time this is done, Strong Bad finds a page of his Limozeen game manual.}

Rave Switch

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {In rap rhythm} And now it's time for a breakdown... {Plays a techno rave} Ahh, that's the stuff.

{Third time only}
STRONG BAD: {Plays a techno rave} Whoa, those spinny dots are making me see things.

{All other times}
STRONG BAD: {Plays a techno rave}

Calendar

Start of game
STRONG BAD: Looks like today's the day I take my Fun Machine to Bubs for emergency repairs.
After the Fun Machine is given to Bubs
STRONG BAD: I guess today's the day I organize a Battle of the Bands to raise money to fix my Fun Machine.

Floppy Disks

STRONG BAD: That's where I keep all my defunct computer games. Most of them won't even run on the Lappy anymore without, like, turning off all the RAM and hitting it with a brick.

Plug

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: I think the Lappy's had enough juice for now... {Goes to unplug the Lappy and gets electrocuted} Yaaah! {Shaky voice} I guess not.

STRONG BAD: {Goes to unplug the Lappy and gets electrocuted} Yaaah! Invigorating.

Sign

STRONG BAD: In the time it would take me to read that sign, I could not loaf at least twice!

Stooly

STRONG BAD: Sometimes I think the stool moves an inch or two to the left behind my back, just to mess with my head.

Lighter

STRONG BAD: {Picks up lighter} I must have left my lighter here during last night's candlelight {smooth voice} "SBEmails After Dark" session.

Kitchen

Fridge

{Strong Bad opens/closes fridge door}

Aerosol Cheese

STRONG BAD: Sweet! A can of jalapeno-flavored aerosol cheese! Easily one of my top five foamy orange food products ever! {Takes the can}

Microwave

STRONG BAD: {Touches the microwave and gets electrocuted} Yaaah! Geez, think someone balled up a bunch of forks and stuck them in there... yesterday.

Cereal

STRONG BAD: That box of Cheat Commandos-O's is getting a little funky, but I refuse to throw out breakfast cereals until I solve the mazes on the back.

Dead Plant

STRONG BAD: We're keeping the rotting corpse of Charlemange around in the hopes that he'll one day rise from the grave.

Laundry Room

Box

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {Looks under box} A "sloshy" t-shirt? Those glasses-wearing short hair-havers? I guess I'll put it in my pan-dimensional photo booth...

STRONG BAD: Nope.

Dryer

STRONG BAD: Last month, Strong Sad sat me down and explained the ins and outs of the "washing mashine" to me. The dry-er, however, remains as enigmatic as ever.

Pennants

STRONG BAD: The great thing about these schools is they hand out a free diploma for every three pennants you buy!

Washer

STRONG BAD: {Kicks washer, which runs. When done, the lid pops open and Strong Bad looks inside} Water - Successfully wasted.

Bleach → Washer

STRONG BAD: {Puts the bleach in} This stuff is tough enough to take the stains out of just about anything!

Bat Hutch → Washer

STRONG BAD: {Sings} Washing up Strong Sad's bats... maybe someday, I should wash my pants.
Before bleach is put in
STRONG BAD: {Gets bats out} Hmm. Clean bats. Guess I should have expected that.
After bleach is put in
STRONG BAD: {Gets bats out} Whoa!

Living Room

Luxa Lounger

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hmm, something's wedged in the Luxa-lounger... {reclines chair, finds shot glass} Whoa! Oh man. It's a Limozeen shot glass featuring High-Kicking Larry Palaroncini!

{Strong Bad reclines/unreclines chair}

Window

STRONG BAD: {Shouts out the window} Good afternoon green bushes, how ya feelin!?

Outside

Mailbox

STRONG BAD: Nothin' new here.

Photo → Mailbox

STRONG BAD: Okay, let's do this thing. {Gets out the photo and writes on the back} Win a day with Limozeen constest... Staten Island... 10301. Limozeen album immortaility, here I come! {Strong Bad puts the photo into the mailbox and closes it. Screen wipes to black, and back to Strong Bad opening the mailbox again, pulling out a letter. He reads} Dear Mr. Bad, are you ready to rock harder than anyone in your pimply male teenage peer group has ever rocked? Because your bodacious album cover is the {increases his excitement tone of voice here} winner of the Rip-Roarin' Rock-dezvous with Limozeen contest! Just let us know when and where and we'll be there, ready to sock your rocks off! Keep on 'zeening, Limozeen. {Puts the letter away} All right!

Box

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {Looks under the box} Box peering guy, hey! {Finds a shot glass} Whoa, it's a shot glass with generically tall Limozeen bass player Perry Palaroncini!

STRONG BAD: Nope.

Strong Bad Emails

When sitting down

STRONG BAD: In a world of stupid e-mails... one man stands ready with his delete key...

STRONG BAD: When I say "e" you say "mail"! "E"! "Mail"! "E"! "Mail!"

STRONG BAD: E-mail. Ch-ch-choo-wih-choo-wih e-mail.

STRONG BAD: {Starting soft, getting louder} E-mails, e-mails, e-mails, E-MAILS!

STRONG BAD: 3... 2... 1... ignition. Gentlemen, we have e-mails.

When deleting e-mails

STRONG BAD: Deleted!

STRONG BAD: Dee! Lee! Ted!

STRONG BAD: El Deleto Grande!

STRONG BAD: Survey says: Deleted!

STRONG BAD: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the DELETED!

STRONG BAD: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-leted

{After each of these, the deleted sound plays, showing a red DELETED! screen which has the Female Lappy with devil horns.}

When undeleting e-mails

STRONG BAD: Undeleted!

STRONG BAD: Deleted no more!

STRONG BAD: {Singing} Undeleted and it feels so good

STRONG BAD: This e-mail is undeleted for good behavior.

{After each of these, the deleted sound plays, showing a cyan UNDELETED! screen.}

E-mail 1: Band Names

STRONG BAD: That's true, Brandy, all the good ones ARE taken. {clears screen} That's why you need to start thinking of futuristic band names link "My Personal Jetpack" or "The Robot Rebellion." {Stops typing} Ooh, ooh! {Starts typing} Or "Really, Really, REALLY, Tiny Cell Phone." That should be enough to get you started, but I'm gonna need my royalties in 2086 dollars, or Globnars, as they will then be called. {Line break} Thanks. SB.

E-mail 2: Rock Eras

Appears when visiting Marzipan's house for the first time

STRONG BAD: {Sings the word "Darin" in a high-pitched voice) Sorry Mark. I don't validate. Maybe check with Bubs. But I can tell you exactly when rock rocked the hardest. When you're 18 to 24 years old. {clears screen} But if you're over 24 man, sucks to be you. Cause music rocks less and less with each passing year, until the next thing you know, you're listening to the oldies station and playing air guitar at a stop light next to a car full of teenagers that spit and laugh at you. Stupid kids. They call that noise music! Curmudgeoninglyly, Strongbad.

E-mail 3: Creeped Out

Appears when visiting The Club for the first time

STRONG BAD: {Pronounces coworkers as "cow-workers" and the name as "Plou-ise"} Yeah. How are you Cow Workers supposed to get them do-ggies rollin' if somebody's staring at you? {Clears screen} When people stare at me, I just divert their attention to something I want them to do, say, or buy for me. Or in your case, cows you'd like punched, barns you'd like raised, or trails you would like to see happy. Yippie kiyiyay, Strong Bad.

(E-mail 4)

Strong Bad's Room

Game Introduction

{Strong Bad enters the room from the direction of the basement sits at the Fun Machine}
STRONG BAD: All right, Senor Fun Machine, let's see what you've got for me today...
{Scene changes to the menu screen for Limozeen's Hot Babelien Odyssey}
STRONG BAD: Hot dang, it's Limozeen's Hot Babelien Oddysey, loosely based on the life and times of the coolest rock band in the world, Limozeen! Okay, hot babeliens, get ready to be rescued and romanced by my rock 'n' roll ruleage! Rrr.
{The game starts automatically}
GAME LARRY: {Distorted monotone} Rock and roll, baby!
{The player can now play the game, but after a short while, the game picture starts to distort, the colors fluctuate, until it eventually dissolves into a mess of symbols.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, what was that? No... Please... No no no!
{The game freezes completely, and a wisp of smoke comes out of the Fun Machine.}
STRONG BAD: NOOOO!!! C'mon, man, don't do this to me!
{A flock of bats flies into the room and start flying around Strong Bad's head. Strong Bad stands up and tries to bat them away.}
STRONG BAD: Bleargh! Go on! Git! Scram!
{The bats fly away. Strong Bad turns back to the Fun Machine}
STRONG BAD: Aww, crapcakes. Not again! I just sprayed three cans of 4W DD in the cartridge slot this morning. Looks like I'll have to take it to the only fully-licenced Videlextrician in town... (sigh) Bubs. Don't worry, my poor broken Fun Machine, Bubs'll fix you up, better than new.
{Strong Bad drops the controller and picks up the Fun Machine}

Videlectrix Poster

STRONG BAD: Over the years I've collected every title featured on this poster... but for some reason I can only ever find about one a month.

Dangeresque 3 Poster

STRONG BAD: That's a teaser poster for the oft-delayed cinema classic-to-be, Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

STRONG BAD: People keep bugging me about Dangeresque 3. Someday I really should get around to writing a script for it... or coming up with a budget... basically anything past the "make poster" phase of development.

Drawing Table

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Time for a little bit of randomly violent Teen Girl Squad fun! {Looks at the table} What the crap? Where'd all my notebook paper go? How can I draw any new episodes without any loose-leaf?

STRONG BAD: I won't be able to write ant new adventures of the loveable Teen Girl Squad until I get some more paper!

Limozeen Coloring Book → Drawing Table

Metal Detector

STRONG BAD: All right: the Taranchula Black Metal Detector, now with built-in shovel attachment!!! {Takes the metal detector and shovel}

Fun Machine

In extended play

Seven-track

STRONG BAD: I used to hide Strong Sad's retainer in the seven-track all the time, so it still felt like part of the team.

Strong Bad's TV

STRONG BAD: The TV seems so lonely without the Fun Machine.

Messy Pile

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: C'mon pile, I know you got some change in there! I'll even take Canadian coins at this point. {Looks in the pile} Aww, man, not even a single Loonie.

STRONG BAD: I'm not sticking my gloves in there for at least another month. Probably two.

Strong Sad's Room

Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Hey there, Sister Christian.
STRONG SAD: Remarkably, I don't have time for you today, Strong Bad.

Strong Sad → Strong Sad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: I'm sure I will instantly regret asking you this, but whatcha doin'?
STRONG SAD: I've finally decided to pursue my dream of becoming a snooty rock 'n' roll journalist.
STRONG BAD: A rock... and... roll... journal... {laughs}
STRONG SAD: You won't be bwa-ha-haing after I've sold my poignant coming-of-age tale of my snooty exploits to a snooty independent movie studio!
STRONG BAD: You're right, I, I shouldn't... {laughs}
STRONG SAD: {Sighs}

STRONG BAD: I forget. What are you doing again?
STRONG SAD: I'm preparing to set sail on my dream of becoming a snooty rock 'n' roll--
STRONG BAD: {Laughs}
STRONG SAD: --journalist.

Strong Sad → Fun Machine

Only available before the Fun Machine is given to Bubs
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: I don't know how to tell you this, but someone broke the Fun Machine.
STRONG SAD: Someone?
STRONG BAD: Yeah, I think it was Someone Jackson, or maybe Someone Jackson Jr. Can you fix it?
STRONG SAD: No, but Bubs has a black belt in fixing outdated electronics.
STRONG BAD: But Bubs'll probably make me pay for it... with money!
BUBS: {Appears in the doorway} I also accept first-born children!

STRONG BAD: Are you sure you can't fix the Fun Machine?
STRONG SAD: All signs point to "Leave me alone and go to Bubs!"

Strong Sad → Bat

STRONG BAD: Aren't bat hutches supposed to be out-of-doors? Or in of Marzipan's bed?
STRONG SAD: Normally, but the von Blaubloods love the delicate mixture of dank and damp here in my room.

STRONG BAD: Normally I think bats are pretty cool (especially when someone's biting the heads off them at the climax of an awesome concert), but {shouts} NOT WHEN THEY'RE IN MY FREAKING HOUSE! OUT! OUT! OUT!
STRONG SAD: No, no, no.

Strong Sad → Battle of the Bands Stage

Only available after the Fun Machine is given to Bubs
STRONG BAD: Hey, I got a story for you, Mister Snooty Rock Journalist: "Prepare ye all butts for maximum kickage, as Strong Bad organizes a legendary Battle Royale of the Bands!!"
STRONG SAD: No, you're not.
STRONG BAD: No, really. It'll have security and celebrity judges and everything!
STRONG SAD: And ponies?
STRONG BAD: Yeah, and ponies! Whu-hey!
STRONG SAD: {Chortles}

Strong Sad → Security Jacket

Only available after the Fun Machine is given to Bubs
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {In his hyping-it-up voice} Check out this article of clothing.
STRONG SAD: What is it?

STRONG BAD: So, about that jacket I showed you.
STRONG SAD: Yes?

Strong Sad → Security Jacket → Angel

{First time only, and only if the Angel option is selected first}
STRONG BAD: It's a security jacket. Y'know, the kind worn by security guards at concerts.
STRONG SAD: Okay, I can't stand those guys. They're always laughing at my press pass.

STRONG BAD: It's not really a tour jacket. It's just a run-of-the-mill security jacket.
STRONG SAD: I don't believe you.
STRONG BAD: What?
STRONG SAD: I think you're just trying to cover up for liking a band no one's ever heard of.

Strong Sad → Security Jacket → Devil

STRONG BAD: {If the Angel option is chosen first, add: It's not really a security jacket.} It's a tour jacket for this hot new indie rock band called Security!
STRONG SAD: "Security?" I've heard people talking about them. A lot of people.
STRONG BAD: See? They're hot!
STRONG SAD: But talk is cheap. Real indie bands have street teams that use guerilla marketing tactics to get their name and logo up all over the place.

Strong Sad → Cancel

STRONG BAD: Well, the bile in my throat tells me it's time to stop talking to you. I've got a Fun Machine to get repaired.

Strong Sad's Bed

STRONG BAD: Just as I thought... crinkly! Strong Sad still has one of those plastic wet-the-bed liners under his sheets.

Bat Hutch

When Strong Sad is present
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hollerin' Jimmy's Bat Hutch Kit? Since when do you keep bats in your room?
STRONG SAD: Not just any bats. The von Blaubloods are an extended family of majestic fruit bats. They inspire me.
STRONG BAD: To what, get rabies?

STRONG BAD: Can I borrow your bat hutch? I, uh, wanna do that thing with the tin foil that screws up their sonar.
STRONG SAD: You leave the von Blaubloods alone!
STRONG BAD: Okay, okay, geez. Don't foam at the mouth.
When Strong Sad is absent
STRONG BAD: {Sings while taking the bat huch} Puttin' bat hutches in my pants... hope I don't get bit.

Bookcase

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad ordered this bookshelf from one of them designy, foreign, put-it-together-yourself catalogs. This little guy is called "Flurgendroon."

Camera

When Strong Sad is present
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: What's that?
STRONG SAD: That's my Totalmatic SuddenShot Camera. It's so obsolete that it actually uses a mysterious substance known as "film" to make pictures.
STRONG BAD: Whoa, exotic. Can I borrow it?
STRONG SAD: No way, Strong Bad.

STRONG SAD: Stop grabbing at my stuff!
When Strong Sad is absent
STRONG BAD: {Takes the camera} With the Totalmatic SuddenShot at my side, I'll totally be able to shoot all sorts of automatic pictures... suddenly!

West Is Lip Poster

STRONG BAD: Stupid British dudes that I thought were ugly British chicks...

Strong Mad's Room

Strong Mad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, little man
STRONG MAD: WHERE'S MY PICK?

Strong Mad → Strong Mad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: What's new in your monosyllabic world?
STRONG MAD: COOL TAPES!
STRONG BAD: Oh, band practice, huh? Have you kicked Marzipan out yet?
STRONG MAD: SHE BRINGS SNACKS!
STRONG BAD: Fair enough.
{Marzipan's house appears on the map after the conversation is finished}

STRONG BAD: I forget, who else is in Marzipan's band?
STRONG MAD: THE CHEAT ON SKINS!
STRONG BAD: Man, why does Marzipan get to hog all my bros? Why can't she start one of those lame-o core bands with Strong Sad instead?

Strong Mad → Fun Machine

STRONG BAD: Now don't freak out, big fella, but I've got some bad news about the Fun Machine...
STRONG MAD: FUN MACHINE OKAY?
STRONG BAD: Not exactly... see, there's been an accident, and--
STRONG MAD: MAKE BETTER! MUST PLAY LADY SNAKE PARADE!
STRONG BAD: Okay, okay! I'll make the Fun Machine better! Man...
STRONG MAD: LADY SNAKE PARADE...

STRONG BAD: Just to be sure, what would you do if the Fun Machine were broken?
STRONG MAD: SMASH STUFF! BREAK STUFF!!
STRONG BAD: That's what I thought.

Strong Mad → Bat

STRONG BAD: Did you know that Strong Sad is raising bats with a cool last name in his room?
STRONG MAD: SAVE THE BATS! LA-LA-LA!
STRONG BAD: Aww, you like 'em too?

Strong Mad → Cancel

STRONG BAD: Well this has been fascinating and articulate, but I've got a Fun Machine to repair. See you later, S-Mad

Dresser

STRONG BAD: This is where my brother keeps all his extra singlets, gym socks, and athletical supporting devices.

Old Record

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad takes the record, and it gets displayed to the player} Whoa! There's something I haven't seen in like, forever! Strong Sad cried for days when I defaced this record into the most awesome album cover idea ever. I bet you could sell like a kajillion records if you put together an album cover like this.

Bass Guitar

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad plays a heavy bass - literally. The strings are actually those cables they use to hold up bridges.

Dumbell

STRONG BAD: This is Belinda, Strong Mad's favourite dumbell. She's a bit on the heavy side, but she has a great personality.

Right Closet Door

HORRIBLE PAINTING: {Dramatic shot} Come on in here!
STRONG BAD: A-jibblie-jibblie-jibblie-jibblie-jibblie-jibblie {Strong Bad jumps all over the place, and eventually closes the closet door.} Man, that painting is creepy.

Left Closet Door

{Strong Bad opens/closes the door}

Left Closet Door → Stuffed Animal

When Strong Mad is present
STRONG BAD: It's Strong Mad's stuffed dinosaur, Poodonkis. {Turns to Strong Mad} Hey mus-cles, mind if I borrow this?
STRONG MAD: POO-DONK-IS!!!
STRONG BAD: Guess so.
When Strong Mad is absent
STRONG BAD: Ah, the mighty Poodonkis. His natural camoflague made him virtually invisible to predators in his natvie environment... which was, apparently, a clown's house. {Takes Poodonkis}
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