garage sale
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad Email #129
Strong Bad gives his thoughts on garage sales and garage sale patrons.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, Bubs, Strong Sad, Senor Cardgage, Coach Z, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Frank Bennedetto
Places: Computer Room, The Field, Homestar's House
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: May 2, 2005
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} Here comes another email that I'll answer for you! Here comes another email that I'll answer for you!
subject: garage sale=money! hey strong bad! I seriously think you need to have a garage sale!! I mean think of all da things you could get with all that money... cat (yeah that's my real name)
{Strong Bad doesn't read the part in parentheses and instead says...}
STRONG BAD: ...and something I don't wanna read. {typing} What sort of 'da things' are we talking about here, Catman? 'Da bomb' or, uh, 'da boyz' or even, {not typed} uh, {typing} 'da hood?' Nah, I don't think I want any of dose. {clears screen} Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between 'garage sale' and 'garbage sale?' {says "garbage" as "gar-BAGE"} Except, don't ever say 'garbage' {same way} like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care. So then there's the issue of the sort of folks that frequent garage sales: bottom feeders, lemme tell ya.
{Cut to Strong Bad's garage sale. There is a sign reading "GAR[s]B[/s]AGE SALE" in the middle of The Field, and merchandise (see below) is found everywhere with various price tags. Marzipan walks up.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} First, there's the haggler, {"THE HAGGLER" appears in the middle of the screen with a bowler derby on it for a moment.} the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap.
{The camera scrolls over to Bubs and Strong Bad. Bubs is holding an ugly doll.}
BUBS: I'll give you two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll.
STRONG BAD: First off, uh, that is Aunt Gert! And secondly, she's worth WAY more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new! And them's 1998 dollars!
BUBS: Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'...
STRONG BAD: I'll let her go for twenty-four cents.
BUBS: Twenty-two and a half!
STRONG BAD: You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert.
{Cut away to the hills of The Field}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Next is the lurker. {"THE LURKER" appears in the middle of the screen with a candle and two skulls on it for a moment.} You know, the shady night-manager at Stucky's type, who stays around all day but never buys anything.
{The camera pans down to Strong Sad and Senor Cardgage looking at merchandise.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And you're like, is he there just to be seen?
SENOR CARDGAGE: Look at this can of peas, Helvetica! Won't you help me buy it for you?
STRONG SAD: I'm finding it hard to express just how uncomfortable I am right now.
SENOR CARDGAGE: It ain't know why. Especially since you have this can of peas to look forward to!
{Strong Bad walks up.}
STRONG BAD: Look, if you're not gonna buy anything, you gotta leave. You're drivin' away all my best customers!
{Senor Cardgage walks off with the can of peas.}
STRONG SAD: Augh! I feel like I need a chemical shower after talking to that guy! Do we have an emergency eyewash station?
STRONG BAD: At least he bought something, lurker! Go back to Stucky's! {voiceover} And last, but not least...
{Cut to another part of the garage sale, this time with Marzipan and Coach Z. "COACH Z", with a basketball instead of the O and a towel hanging off the Z, appears in the middle of the screen. Coach Z is carrying a variety of items all labelled "Great for baby!"}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...there's Coach Z.
{The text disappears.}
MARZIPAN: Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the "great for baby" items?
COACH Z: I'd prefer that you didn't.
{cut back to the Lappy}
Easter Eggs
- At the beginning, click on "da bomb," "da boyz" and "da hood" to bring up t-shirts with phrases incorporating each term.
- At the end, click on the Heavy Lourde to see Homestar make an offer he can't refuse.
- Click on the answering machine to see more of Coach Z.
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This is the first time we see Marzipan raise an eyebrow.
