Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

crap, well at least I took neoguy down with me

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

The "aim" gun that shoots "smileys" was my absolute favorite. Seriously, you are awesome.

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"CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME!!!!"

- Unknown

I am quite famous on my other forum for mangling weapons in such a way that they're totally different from what the sender intended. For instance, in one game, player Adrith targeted himself by "blowing his head off with a .45"; in the deathscene, he went to Rational Numbers Land and befriended 9/20, who breathed hard on Adrith's head to make it fall off.

And just because you're from a different forum, doesn't mean you're off the hook.

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That gun idea was mine are you saying you changed it?

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

Hey, you said you wanted an AIM gun that shot smileys, I gave you an AIM gun that shot smileys. Technically, I didn't change it.

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Just a comment: the HRWiki guys are outnumbered!

This is lookin' great so far, mathgrant. I gotta try my hand at modding a RAF game at a forum I go to....

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Or maybe you could mod Game 7!

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Maybe! But I'm going to try my hand at a differnet forum first so I know what I'm doing.

(Ian, mind if I copy your explanation in the first post and edit it a bit? I'll give credit.)

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Go ahead, Noid.

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TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND TWO
CHAPTER ONE

HyToFry, like many RAF-iverse citizens, was overtaken by a sudden strong urge to kill himself. "I think I'll go to the RAF-iverse pharmacy and buy a bunch of medicines!" HyToFry said. "Then, when I take them all at once, I'll die from an overdose!" As HyToFry walked up to the counter, he ran into Shadowtje, who was also buying medicine. "Hey, HyToFry!" Shadowtje said. "What's up?"

"Nothing much!" HyToFry said. "I was just going to buy all this medicine so I could kill myself by swallowing them all at once!"

"NOOOO!!!!!!!" Shadowtje screamed loudly. "I cannot let you do that!"

"Oh? Why not?" HyToFry asked, smiling a little at the thought that someone else might actually care about his life.

"Because I'M killing myself that way!" Shadowtje responded raspily. "Go find your own suicide method!" Shadowtje paid for his pills, grabbed them all, and walked out of the pharmacy with a huff.

"Oh, darn. NOW how am I supposed to die?" HyToFry moaned. He spied a small paper packet labeled "Trojan". "Trojans are those guys in the wooden horse who jump out and kill you, right?" HyToFry said. "This ought to be perfect! Although I wonder how they managed to fit one into such a tiny package. Maybe they're midgets or something." HyToFry picked up a huge amount of them, and then walked up to the cashier. "I'm buying these!" HyToFry said. "I'm going to kill myself with them!"

The cashier looked at HyToFry. His face clearly showed that he was weirded out, which it was not showing a few seconds ago (and which it was showing a few hours ago, when a rather scruples-lacking customer had tried to pass off a 74,074-yen note as legal US tender – but that's another story altogether). "I. . . don't think you know what those are used for," the cashier replied.

"Of course I do!" HyToFry said. "Are you calling me a dummy?"

"Yes, I a– no, I'm not," the cashier responded. "That'll be $4,444.44." HyToFry handed him a bill. "74,074 ye– HEY! YOU'RE THE SAME WACKO WHO WAS HERE A FEW HOURS AGO! I'M CALLING THE POLICE!"

"AAAHHHHH!" HyToFry shouted as he grabbed a single Trojan and ran out of the pharmacy with it. A nearby policeman spotted him and began to chase him on foot. After several minutes, HyToFry evaded capture by hiding in a nearby back alley. "Yes! I'm safe!" HyToFry said. "Now to open this baby up!" He rips the packet open. "Darn! This isn't a Trojan! It's just a piece of rubber. How will I kill myself with THAT? Maybe I can put it over my head and try to suffocate myself!" He only managed to stretch the rubber down to the top of his forehead, however, when two thugs entered the back alley. "Hey," said one thug. "Look at the guy who's in the back-alley for no reason."

"He's got one of those funny hats that only Jewish people wear!" thug number two replied.

"Which obviously means he's a Jew!" thug number one said. "Let's go!" As they left the back alley, thug number two did a double take. "Wait. I just remembered that I'm a Nazi!" he recalled. "Which means I HATE JEWS! DIE, DIE, DIE!"

"I just remembered that I'm a Nazi, too!" thug number one said. "DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!"

Needless to say, HyToFry died, died, died.

Shadowtje walked onto a nearby highway and beheld his many bottles of medication. "Lessee. . . which one should I overdose on first?" Shadowtje said. "I know! I'll take these No-More-Zeez pills that the large commercial truck drivers are always using to stay awake during long deliveries!" Shadowtje swallowed 40 No-More-Zeez pills in a row, one after another. However, for the same reason that targeting a suicide in a RAF-iverse only ends up killing you, Shadowtje's overdose on No-More-Zeez ended up having the exact opposite effect of the pill's intended use: he fell asleep immediately, and remained sound asleep in the middle of the highway for hours. He didn't even hear the sound of the large commercial truck, whose driver was also sound asleep (due to a lack of No-More-Zeez, rather than an excess as in Shadowtje's case), as it crushed his body and killed him.

HyToFry targets SELF with a prophylactic.
Shadowtje targets SELF with an overdose on medicines.
HyToFry and Shadowtje dead.
Thanks to IantheGecko for unwittingly suggesting HyToFry's scene.

If there was one thing Nekro Neko absolutely loved, it was M. C. Escher. He loved Escher's works, because he seemed to be able to take anything and fill up an entire paper merely by tiling that thing repeatedly. "I wish there was still someone alive who could do that!" Nekro Neko said. Suddenly, like magic, a store called "Aybee's Escher-Style Tesselation Drawings" appeared in front of him. He ran on in. "Hey, Aybee!" Nekro Neko said, handing the artist $50. "Draw me something!"

"Is there anything specific you'd like me to draw?" Aybee asked.

"Nope! I don't care!" Nekro Neko replied. "I just want you to draw something."

"Hmm. Then I'll draw. . . um. . . errrrrrrrr. . . ummmmmmmm. . . . dead. . . fish?" Aybee struggled to come up with something.

"Ooh! I like that!" Nekro Neko said. "I bet you'll do such an awesome job, that one look at the drawing will kill me with its awesomeness!"

"Oh, I wouldn't want to –" Aybee started to say, but a stack of $100 bills was handed to him by his customer. "Ummmm. . . OK! One so-awesome-you'll-die tesselation of dead fish a-coming up-a!"

Meanwhile, as Aybee was trying to tile the plane with dead fish, in a completely unrelated place, Norman Rorqual was looking to strike a deal with the owner of a local cheese factory. Specifically, Norman Rorqual was hoping to buy the factory from its owner. "So, here's my deal," Norman proposed. "If you give me this HUGE factory where people make cheese and ship it to cheese shops worldwide, then I'll give YOU four bus tokens and a packing peanut. Deal?"

"No deal!" said the owner. "Make it SIX bus tokens, and you have a deal!"

"SOLD!" Norman agreed. He dug around in his pocket, and could only find five bus tokens. "Ummm. . . er. . . . I don't think I have that many bus tokens."

"Oh, fine. I'll make it five bus tokens, a packing peanut, and I get to kill you later."

"YAY! I've always wanted to die in a RAF game!" Norman Rorqual says. "I've never done that before!"

"Erm. . . I think you have," the cheese factory owner responded. "It was a Loatian Fighting Flower that killed you, if I remember correctly."

"That's beside the point!" Norman shouted. "Now gimme da factory!"

Meanwhile, in a completely related place, Nielske, who had somehow gotten a part-time job at the cheese factory, was plotting with a co-worker to kill Norman. "So, uh, if you throw this, uh, Monty Python DVD at Norman Rorqual, then I'll give you this, um. . . this wooden nickel? I guess?"

"Ooh!" the co-worker shouted. "My grandfather told me to always take wooden nickels, so sure!"

"Wonderful!" Nielske applauded. "Now remember, Norman Rorqual is the one of those two guys who doesn't own the cheese factory! Good luck killing 'im!"

The nameless co-worker walked up to the duo. "Uh, excuse me, sirs, I just wanted to know which one of you owned the factory?"

"Me!" Norman Rorqual shouted, waving his hand and jumping around like a hyper-caffeinated maniac.

"Oh, good!" the nameless co-worker responded. "Some guy named Nielske gave me a wooden nickel to kill the one of you who didn't own the factory. So now I will!"

"But, Peter, aren't you supposed to be supervising the –" the factory's former owner began to say, but it was too late. The no-longer-nameless co-worker, now known to be named Peter, had thrown his somehow deadly DVD of British comedy at him, and he died. "Wow," Norman said. "I sure wasn't expecting that."

"Nobody expects that!" Peter replied.

"Well, uh, Peter, I –" Norman started.

"Call me Mr. Pan," Peter said.

"Is that your real last name?" Norman Rorqual asked.

"Nope. My two sisters Jenny, Lucy and I were born without last names. We made up last names so no one would make fun of us. I haven't seen them in forever. Last I heard, Jenny started a store selling pink things, and Lucy joined some criminal organization."

"Riiiiight. Fascinating!" Norman said. He was lying through his teeth, of course. "So, Mr. Pan, I –"

"Call me Peter."

"But you just told me to call you Mr. Pan."

"Yeah, well, I changed my mind. Sorry."

". . . Ohhhhh-kay. So, Peter –"

"Call me Mr. Pan."

"Oh, forget it! I was going to tell you to kill me, since this other guy you just killed was about to kill me as part of a deal we had so I could own this factory, but if you can't decide whether I should call you stinkin' Peter or stinkin' Mr. Pan, then forget it! I'm leaving!"

"But now who'll run the factory?" Peter Pan asked.

"Um. . . Nielske! Tell him congratulations, because he now owns this factory! I really have to go now! Bye!" Norman Rorqual ran off hastily.

Peter Pan walked over to Nielske. "Hey, uh, guy who gave me the wooden nickel!" Peter Pan shouted. "I have good news! Due to a bunch of random plot twists that I don't have time to explain in one paragraph, you now own this cheesy cheese factory!"

"GASP!" Nielske said in shock. "That's amazing! That's FREAKING AMAZING! I'm RICH!" Nielske started running around the factory and tossing money up into the air. Then, he stopped in his tracks. "Uh, is it possible to die of shock?" Nielske asked.

Peter shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. I read it in a book one time. It's called 'It is Possible to Die of Shock'. Why do you ask?"

"GAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!" Nielske gagged as he suddenly stopped breathing and started not breathing. He was soon dead.

"Um. . . so I guess I own the factory now," Peter Pan said. "Uh. . . yay?"

Back at the original scene where Nekro Neko was waiting for Aybee to finish the piece of art that had been commissioned of him, Aybee had finished the piece of art that had been commissioned of him. "I'm done!" Aybee said. "Tesselating the entire plane with dead fish was tough, but I did it!" Aybee handed Nekro Neko a print of his commissioned work.

"WHOA!" Nekro Neko shouted. "This is awesome! Why, it's so awesome, I'll probably – GAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!" Nekro Neko gagged as he suddenly stopped breathing and started not breathing. He was soon dead in a carbon copy of the final paragraph of Nielske's life.

"Um. . . so I guess I own your dead body now," Aybee said. "Uh. . . yay?"

Nekro Neko targets SELF with a plane full of dead fish.
Norman Rorqual targets SELF with a cheese factory.
Nielske targets Norman Rorqual with the Spanish Inquisition.
Nekro Neko and Nielske dead.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

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Legal double post!

TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND TWO
CHAPTER TWO

theopholis was collaborating with ThePancreas (Yes, TheBrain has an evil twin! No, you didn't know that before!) to kill TheBrain. "So, what cool evil powers do you have, ThePancreas?" theopholis asked.

"I have three cool evil powers!" ThePancreas answered. "I can generate digestive acids at will, I have a shrink ray gun, and I have a wand that shoots out O's."

"A wand that shoots out O's?" theopholis said incredulously. "That's sounds like some lame thing some lame end-of-the-world boss would have in a lame video game."

"Okay, so I have only two cool evil powers," ThePancreas replied, "the digestive acids and the shrink ray."

"So, now that we know what powers you have, we merely need to devise a master plan with 'em."

"Here's what I've got. First, we go to 1357 Odd Street. Then, we search around town until we find TheBrain. Finally, I'll digest him to death."

"Cool!" theopholis applauded ThePancreas. "But how does 1357 Odd Street fit into the plan?"

"Because that's where the pawn shop is," ThePancreas replied, "and I want to get some money for this lame O-shooting wand."

Meanwhile, Gilbster was honing her Donkey Konga skills. "I've just got to get better at this rhythmic bongo-slapping video game!" Gilbster said as she performed a clap roll. "I'm sure mathgrant will think of some way to use my newfound hand-eye coordination, timing, and speed to kill theopholis and write it into the story!"

"Uhhhhhhh. . . WHAT in BLAZES was all THAT about?" said Gilbster's Donkey Konga training partner slash versus mode rival, who shall remain nameless.

"Erm. . ." Gilbster hesitated. "I mean, what fourth wall? There's a fourth wall around here somewhere? I hope it doesn't get broken!"

Meanwhile, theopholis and ThePancreas had arrived at the pawn shop, which was at this point under new ownership and renamed "Yuichi and Yuni Yusan's Japanese Pawn Shop", and were waiting in line with other people, who wanted to pawn off such items as busted televisions, Lauren Dumberger novels, pencils, and a wand that shoots out X's. ThePancreas fended off boredom by using his O-shooting wand to play tic-tac-toe with the owner of the X-shooting wand. theopholis fended off his boredom by staring out the window and across the street. Actually, this didn't do a very good job at fending off boredom, but theopholis knew he had to keep a watchful eye in case TheBrain entered any nearby buildings while he and ThePancreas were still at the pawn shop.

Finally, ThePancreas was next in line, so he walked up to the pawn shop's new owner. "Konichiwa!" said the owner. "I am Yuichi Yusan! I brother am Yuni Yusan! Here pawn shop was belong to Aybee, but now all the pawn shop are belong to us!"

"Errrrrr. . . WHAT?" ThePancreas said. He was confused.

"Do you want pawn off thing?" Yuni Yusan chimed in. "Money get!"

"Ummmmm. . ."

"Congraturation!" Yuichi exclaimed. "I and we will make sure story has happy end. What wish you to pawn?"

"Do you guys speak any English?" ThePancreas asked, half sarcastically, half incredulously, and half just plain weirded out.

"Yes!" Yuni replied. "Speak pelfect Engrish all time. We learned Engrish by play video games."

"Well, apparently, you didn't play any games made in the past ten years!" ThePancreas said. Frustrated, he threw his O-shooting wand onto the table, and an O fired out of it, missing Yuichi by just a few millimeters. ThePancreas walked off with a huff. "EXCREMENT! I HAVE FURY!" Yuichi screamed. "We lost valuable customer now! All the fault is belong to you!"

"Not way!" Yuni screamed. "Fault is your!"

Meanwhile, Gilbster and her anonymous opponent were still engaged in slapping and clapping on the bongos, when suddenly, the electricity went out all over the house. "Aw, dang!" Gilbster shouted. "I was so engaged in playing this game for 42 days straight, I forgot to pay the electric bill!"

"And it's probably inordinately high, too, from having that console on all the time," the anonymous person who was her opponent replied.

"And since I haven't yet found a job in the RAF-iverse, the only way I can raise the money is if I pawn off my possessions! I'll go to 1357 Odd Street and sell stuff, while you stay here and do nothing for no reason." Gilbster took some of her belongings, including her bongos, with her in the car as she drove to 1357 Odd Street.

Meanwhile, back at 1357 Odd Street, ThePancreas was running up to theopholis like most people run from someone wielding an axe and running towards them. "Forget selling my stupid O-shooting wand! This place is SCREWY, man!" ThePancreas shouted. "Let's just get out of here and look all over town for TheBrain!"

"Actually, I saw him enter that big tall abandoned building while you were doing your pawning business," theopholis said. "Let's hurry up and go there before he comes out!"

As they exited the pawn shop, they ran into Gilbster. "Hi, guys!" Gilbster said. "I was just here to pawn off some –"

"DO NOT. GO IN. THERE. AT. ALL," ThePancreas said.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmm. . . . 'kay," Gilbster replied. She looked around and stared at the sky for a few dozen seconds. "So, uh, theopholis, is it all right if I kill you with my Donkey Kongo bongos somehow?"

"Sure!" theopholis said. "But you'll have to wait, I'm about to kill TheBrain myself." He turned to ThePancreas. "So, uh, what do we do now?"

"I think I'll fire my shrink ray at the building," ThePancreas mused. "If TheBrain is inside, the shrinking walls will collapse on him and crush him!"

"Ooh! Good idea!" theopholis said.

Unbeknownst to them, TheBrain wasn't in the building, but on top of it. "Commence Operation Jump Off And Go Splat On The Ground in five. . . four. . . three. . . two. . . one. . . jump!" At five, ThePancreas had pulled the trigger on the shrink ray. At four, the building rapidly began to shrink, with TheBrain still on top of it. At three, the several-stories high building was only one story high. At two, it was only two feet high. At one, it was only two inches high. At "jump", TheBrain jumped off and survived the extremely short fall.

"So, uhhhhhh. . . is TheBrain dead yet?" Gilbster asked.

"I must be," TheBrain answered. "After all, I jumped off of a tall building, and I've just hit the ground. There's no way I could have survived that. Although the afterlife is suspiciously similar to the beforelife. I was hoping for some pearly gates, or at least a harp or a Ouija board."

"Oh, good, so you are dead," Gilbster said. "I can kill theopholis now. Ummmmmm. . ." Gilbster took the cord from her bongo controller and tied it around theopholis's neck. He gasped for air for a few minutes, and then died. "Yay! I knew mathgrant would be able to write a decent story around that weapon!" Gilbster exclaimed.

"Hu-WHAAAA?" TheBrain asked.

"I mean, eh-heh, the weather sure is nice today, eh?"

TheBrain targets SELF by jumping off of a building.
theopholis targets TheBrain with ThePancreas.
Gilbster targets theopholis with a Donkey Konga bongo.
theopholis dead.

SEAN'D!, AKA the player with the all-capitalized name, had formulated the most devastating RAF suicide plan yet. "I'm going to listen to some heavy metal music on my iPod way too loud!" SEAN'D! said. "Listening to loud music ALWAYS makes your head explode! ALWAYS! But first, I think I'll sleep for no reason. Or maybe because it's 3:00 AM. Yeah, that's a good reason. I'll sleep because it's 3:00 AM." Of course, as always, SEAN'D!'s clock was wrong; it was actually 3:00 PM.

While SEAN'D! was asleep, raekuul sneaked into his bedroom through the window. "YEAH!" raekuul said. "I sneaked into my own bedroom through my own window!" raekuul said. "Now that I've had more sneaking experience, I'll sneak into SEAN'D!'s room through SEAN'D!'s window!" He did so. "Now that I'm in here," he whispered, "I'll just tape this grey hair to SEAN'D!'s head. When he sees it, he'll think he's suddenly aged a lot, and want to kill himself!" He did so, too. Then raekuul left the room the way he came.

When SEAN'D! awoke at 10:10 PM, he was dismayed at what he saw in the bathroom mirror. "GASP!" SEAN'D! said. "Someone must have taken a shower a few minutes ago while I was asleep! This thing's all foggy!" When he wiped off the fog, SEAN'D! was dismayed again. "Dang it! I somehow cracked the mirror in the process of defogging it! Now I'll have seven years of bad luck!" When SEAN'D! saw his reflection in the mirror, he screamed in horror. "IN HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" SEAN'D! screamed. "I have a grey hair! That can only mean. . . I'm OLD! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hey, look, a note I made to myself when I was young!" SEAN'D! picked up the note and read it. "'N. . . . noooo. . . note. . .' sheesh, I need glasses. I'm so old, my eyes aren't working. 'Note. . . to. . . self. Kill. . . self. . . with. . . loud. . . heavy. . . metal. . . on. . . iPod?' I have this old metal baseball bat from my childhood. It's heavy and loud. Now I just need to remember what this 'iPod' thing is. . . oh, now I recall, it's that small thing with the earphones attached to it. I don't know how I thought smashing the iPod with a metal baseball bat would kill me, but I'll try."

SEAN'D! executed the plan. The iPod was dead, but he wasn't. "Well, I'm not dead yet," he observed. "I'll go in the bathroom and shave my whiskers off now, since all old men have whiskers. Maybe I'll die merely by trying to get to the bathroom on my old, old legs without a walker!" As he made his way to the bathroom, the tape came loose, and his grey hair fell off. When SEAN'D! looked in the mirror, he shouted for joy. "HUZZAH! I'm young again!" he exclaimed. "I'm so happy!" SEAN'D! ran back into his bedroom, and his joy became sadness. "Aw, man! My iPod's broken!"

As raekuul walked down the street, whistling innocently, a man wearing a ski mask over his head jumped in front of him. "PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" the man shouted, holding raekuul at gunpoint with a pink pistol. raekuul put his hands up and stood completely and fearfully still. "Give me all your bad actors!"

"No, you idiot!" akdrizzt whispered forcefully from nearby. "We're not stealing that kind of ham."

"Uhhhh. . ." the man with the ski mask hesitated. "Give me all your amateur radio operators!"

"You ninnyhammer, we're not stealing that kind of ham either!" akdrizzt whispered.

"Er, ummmmmmm. . . Give me all your soccer players named Mia!"

akdrizzt jumped in front of the masked man. "What he means to say is, give us your cuts of pork from the buttocks and thighs of a pig!"

"Um. . . . I don't have any meat on me!" raekuul replied.

"THEN I KILL YOU!" the masked man shouted. He shot raekuul with his pistol and killed him. Then the man took off his mask, revealing himself to be HipHoppityFrogOfValue. "Yeah! We killed him!" he shouted.

"Yeah," akdrizzt said, "but could you be just a little bit less incompetent next time? And by just a little bit, I mean a lot. Thank you."

SEAN'D! targets SELF by turning his iPod up too loud.
raekuul targets SEAN'D! with a single strand of grey hair.
akdrizzt targets raekuul with the Hamburglar.
HipHoppityFrogOfValue targets raekuul with a pink pistol.
raekuul dead.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

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Alright!
I didn't die again!
I knew the iPod thing would work!
Exclamation mark!

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Guten tag, Johann, du riechst ganz richtig. Danke schon, Heidi. Und du auch. - A Bit of Fry and Laurie

Bumptastic.

What happened to this?

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Mathgrant's working on the rest of the write-up. It's not easy writing an RAF that spans 3 forums.

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Plus, I've felt rather uninspired lately. Maybe when inspiration hits. . .

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*beats mathgrant over the head with an inspiration*

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*teaches homerun that inspiration is not an object*

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

After, what, only a freakin' MONTH?

TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND TWO
CHAPTER THREE

PARENTAL ADVISORY WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS NO CYBERSCORE MEMBERS. THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE CYBERSCORE MEMBERS MAY WISH TO DON A PAIR OF ANTI-FALL-ASLEEP-MID-STORY GOGGLES BEFORE READING.

AZu and mudbuck, ever eager to join in on the latest crazes that I just made up – I mean, that actually existed before I mentioned them in this story, prepared to register, under the respective usernames of AZuIsGonnaDie and MudbuckIsGonnaLive and with the respective login passwords of "password" and "password", for the website Gun Affinity, the only website in the entire RAF-iverse where people post pictures they have drawn of anthropomorphic guns. The mascot of the website is Finder, a laser-sighted pistol. "I can't wait to start posting pictures of Lucille Rifle!" AZu said. "I'm sure the rest of the fandom would love her!"

"Me, too!" mudbuck said. "But just to be safe, let's read the terms of service first, before registering!" mudbuck clicked the "Terms of Service" link, and read the following.

GUN AFFINITY TERMS OF SERVICE.
RULE 1. YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT GUN AFFINITY.
RULE 2. YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT GUN AFFINITY.
RULE 3. YOU WILL NOT HAVE YOUR PASSWORD SET TO "PASSWORD".
BREAKING OF THESE RULES IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH. ESPECIALLY RULE THREE.

"Hmm. . ." AZu pondered. "I don't think we're breaking any of those rules, are we, muddy buddy?"

"That's the stupidest and lamest nickname ever!" mudbuck said. "Just call me mudbuck!"

"So, are you ready to register for the fun world of guns?" AZu asked.

"Sure!" mudbuck replied. "On the count of three, we'll click the register button. One. . . two. . . forty-two. . . nine oh two one oh. . . eight six seven five three oh nine. . . fifteen to one. . . THREE!"

They clicked the register button. The following text appeared:

"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE NOW MEMBERS OF THIS SITE THINGY. BE SURE TO READ THE TERMS OF SERVICE, AND HAVE FUN!"

"Yay!" AZu said. "I'm going to draw my picture of Lucille Rifle in Macrohard Colored Pencil!"

"No serious artist uses programs that came installed on their computer when they bought it!" mudbuck scolded him. "I draw all of my art in a freeware program called the GUMP. It has way more features than Colored Pencil! Plus, Macrohard is nothing but a money-hungry company headed by that money-hungry William Doors."

AZu ignored mudbuck's comments as he began drawing Lucille using the very primitive drawing tools in Colored Pencil. "So, what kind of gun are you going to be drawing, mudbuck?"

"That's easy!" mudbuck responded. "I'm drawing Tammy Uzi! I think Uzis are cooler than all other firearms combined."

When they were done drawing, AZu and mudbuck submitted their drawings on Gun Affinity. This was an easy process for AZu; for mudbuck, the process was made much more difficult by the fact that the "m" key was broken for no reason, and his gun's name appeared as "Tay Uzi" every time he typed it. "BAH!" mudbuck said. "I'll just have to enter some random letter instead of 'm' and then edit it when I get the keyboard fixed. Hmm. . . 'f' is a random letter!" So, mudbuck submitted a picture of a gun named "Taffy Uzi".

A few hours later, AZu got a bunch of negative comments, most of which were along the lines of "No serious artist uses Macro-wadsofcash-hard Colored Pencil! Buy Brick PictureShop instead!" No one had even viewed mudbuck's picture; with a name like "Taffy", they thought his gun would be too "kiddy" for them. "Um. . ." mudbuck said. "The journey of thousands of dollars in commissions from other people wanting you to draw stuff for them begins with a single step, right?"

"Right!" AZu said hopefully. "Let's draw some more!"

"Hold on!" shouted a voice from behind them. "I am the Deus Ex Machina! I'm here to kill you two for violating the Terms of Service on Gun Affinity! I'll kill you first, AZu! STUPIDICUS MAGICICUS SOUNDING WORDSICUS!" The Deus Ex Machina clasped his hands together, and then slowly pulled them apart. A shining bright white glow. . . erm. . . shined and . . . glowed brightly, forcing mudbuck and AZu to look away. When they could look back again, they were amazed to see a rifle had materialized in the Deus Ex Machina's hands, crafted to look exactly like the rifle AZu has designed on Gun Affinity. "Hey! That's Lucille!" AZu shouted in a combination of awe, fear, disbelief, and possibly some other emotions which would be appropriate right about now.

"Whoa!" mudbuck exclaimed in awe and nothing else. "How'd you do that?"

"It's simple!" the Deus Ex Machina replied. "I used my innate ability to generate a shining bright white glow to distract you so my stagehands could come and give me the rifle."

"Hey!" shouted one of the Deus Ex Machina's stagehands. "You're not supposed to tell them that! That ruins the magic!"

"So, when do we get to the part where I, you know, die?" AZu asked.

"Oh, right, sorry," the Deus Ex Machina apologized. He pointed the rifle at AZu and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. "Er, ummmm. . . MOREICUS MAGICICUS WORDSICUS!" The Deus Ex Machina generated another shining bright white glow and aimed it at AZu and mudbuck, who looked away again. While they were looking away, he held the gun out to his stagehands. "Luke!" the Deus Ex Machina whispered forcefully. "I thought I told you to put bullets in this thing!"

"I couldn't find any bullets!" Luke replied. "We don't have any!"

"Oh," the Deus Ex Machina said calmly. "RICHARD!!" he shouted. "It was YOUR turn to buy the bullets this week! Why didn't you?"

"Um. . . er. . . because I wanted to get yelled at and then be fired?" Richard whimpered.

"YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!" the Deus Ex Machina shouted. "I don't understand how you could possibly forget such a simple errand as walking over to the stupid Ammo Emporium, and then grabbing the stupid bullets, and then paying the stupid cashier the stupid money! I don't see why I hired you in the first place! NOW how am I supposed to kill AZu?"

"You could always rifle-whip him!" Luke said.

"Why would you even BEGIN to to suggest rifle-whipping?" the Deus Ex Machina screamed. "That's such a low tactic!"

"Um. . . because we're desperate?"

". . . Good point." The Deus Ex Machina ceased the shining glowing white brightness. When AZu looked at him again, the next thing he saw was Lucille Rifle being swung towards his skull. He died from the impact. "GWA HA HA!" the Deus Ex Machina shouted. "My killing spree has just begun, mudbuck! You're next! Luke, get me that Uzi!"

"I can't, sir," Luke said, "for, regrettably for us, but happily for him, mudbuck is not dying this round. He has been targetted by Homerun Starrer with razor-sharp CD's, and since mudbuck targeted himself, he survives the round, and Homerun Starrer dies."

The Deus Ex Machina emitted a long, loud growl that is normally emitted only by angry Rottweilers and death metal singers. "BAH! You may have survived this round, muddy buddy, but –"

"It's MUDBUCK!" mudbuck shouted. "How many times do I have to tell people that's a lame nickname?"

"Twice so far," Luke replied. "Once to AZu, and once just now to –"

"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!" mudbuck yelled.

"Hi, guys!" Homerun Starrer said. "I was just coming here to kill mudbuck with these razor-sharp Car Doors! I ripped them clean off of a razor-sharp Cadillac DeVille! I'm that strong!"

"Wait. . ." mudbuck said. "If those doors are razor-sharp, then shouldn't you be bleeding to death, since you touched them?"

"No, of course not, sill– AHHHHHHHH!!! I'm bleeding!" Homerun Starrer shouted as he looked down at his hands and realized that they were, in fact, bleeding. "I'm going to die very shortly!"

Very shortly later, Homerun Starrer was dead and quite bloody. "Okay. That was weird," mudbuck said. "I'm getting out of here."

"Me, too!" the Deus Ex Machina said. "I can't stand the sight of blood!"

"Then why do you always go around killing random people?" Luke asked.

". . . . YOU'RE FIRED!!"

AZu targets SELF with a rifle named Lucille.
mudbuck targets SELF with taffy.
Homerun Starrer targets mudbuck with razor-sharp CD's.
AZu and Homerun Starrer dead.

"Hello, and welcome to another taste-filled episode of my cooking show!" said renowned RAF-iverse chef Wolfpack Gung to his studio audience, and presumably to his audience at home after the footage's eventual being edited together into a televisable format. "Today we're going to be making. . . um. . . some random cantaloupe-themed dish, and I'll kill anybody who sabotages my efforts to make the random cantaloupe-themed dish! Doesn't that sound GREAT?"

"YEAH!!!!" all but one member of the audience shouted.

Kill anyone who sabotages you? Hmm. . . The Cheshire Man, the sole non-shouting audience member, thought to himself.

"As I say every show: Fail to die, fail to hate, fail to starve!" Wolfpack announced. "So let's make our dish! First, take a HUGE TOWERING TALL MOUNTAIN of delicious juicy cantaloupes!" He went offstage and wheeled in a cart with cantaloupes piled higher than most piles of cantaloupes. "Now take random other ingredients, like some white rice, some expensive French wine, some nutmeg, some frog's legs, some wasabi, and some pumpkin seeds!" Wolfpack went offstage again, wheeling in another cart piled high with said ingredients, plus a bunch of other stuff he didn't name, and which I shall not name either, for the sake of both your appetite and my own. "Isn't this going to be DELICIOUS?"

"Oooooooooooohhhhhhh. . ." the audience minus The Cheshire Man cooed. Or maybe they were saying "Ewwwwwwwwwww. . ."; sources vary on this detail.

"Halt!" The Cheshire Man shouted, standing from his seat. "I am your evil twin, Wolfpack Gung-Ho! I hate your stupid cooking show, and now I will sabotage it!"

"Wait a minute. . ." Wolfpack Gung pondered. "If you're my twin, shouldn't you have the same last name as me, and look a lot more like me?"

"Um. . ." The Cheshire Man hesitated. "There's no time to explain inconsistencies! I must destroy your show NOW!" He ran up to Wolfpack's huge towering tall mountain of delicious juicy cantaloupes. "Cantaloupe Avalanche Spilled onto the Floor of OverzealousNEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!" The Cheshire Man shouted, knocking the tower down with his hands. The huge round fruits all either rolled around on the floor or, as was the case for a vast majority of them, simply went splat and broke apart, creating a huge mess. (Hey, if people can die easily in the RAF-iverse, why not fruits?) The Cheshire Man pulled out his pistol and shot any cantaloupes which were rolling around, causing them to explode into a huge mess, too. "Now you have NO cantaloupes!" The Cheshire Man hollered. "I, Wolfpack Gung-Ho, have rendered them all unfit to cook with! Erm, I mean, I, Wolfpack Gung-Ho, have rendered them all unfit with which to cook! Erm, I mean, I, Wolfpack Gung-Ho, have rendered them all unusable! That's grammatically correct!"

"Grrrrrrrrr. . ." Wolfpack Gung growled, thus becoming the second character to do so thus far in this game. "You'll pay for this with your LIFE, Gung-Ho!"

"Oh, yeah?" The Cheshire Man said. "Not if I kill YOU first!" He pulled out his pistol and shot a bullet in the celebrity chef's direction.

"Bring it. . . ON!" Wolfpack shouted, dodging aside the bullet and whipping out a carving knife, which he then threw straight up into the air. To The Cheshire Man's surprise, the chef did not flinch or move a muscle as the sharp pointy object fell towards his world-famous head. Then, The Cheshire Man realized why: when the knife was just a few inches away from Wolfpack's head, it suddenly turned around on its own volition and flew straight towards him instead. It stabbed him straight in the heart, killing him very quickly. "CURSE THIS RAF-IVERSE AND ITS WEIRD RULES FOR DECIDING WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES!" he exclaimed as he died.

"Um. . ." Wolfpack Gung stuttered. "I was going to make a cantaloupe dish, but since that guy has destroyed all my cantaloupes, and we really don't have much filming time left, let's just microwave some Temperate Pockets, shall we?"

"YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" every living audience member shouted in unison.

The Cheshire Man targets SELF with an avalanche of cantaloupes.
The Cheshire Man dead.

"I still don't see why you dragged me to this stupid daycare center," Casey "The Little Weasel" Smashmouth said to Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker").

"Shut up!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") replied. "Watching over children is GREAT for our PR-type stuff!"

"I'm so glad you two – AHEM! – gentlemen decided to watch over these little ones for an entire day!" said Mrs. Female. "I'll be gone somewhere, and when I get back, these kids had better have gotten some good care, or else I'll cast the Generic Magical RAF Curse of Death on you BOTH! Goodbye – AHEM! – gentlemen!" Mrs. Female drove off to get a coffee.

"So, uh. . . how do we take care of them?" Casey asked his manager.

"It's easy!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") answered. "First, we bore them to death, then we get killed by Mrs. Female when she returns!"

"But. . . I don't want to die!" Casey said. "I want to live!"

"Don't think of it as dying! Think of it as. . . um. . . retiring undefeated from WARPED!"

"Hmm. . . that works for me! Let's bore us some serious children!"

"It's easier than boring silly ones!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") said. "So, um, where are those little gremlins, anyhow?"

"HERE WE ARE!" said ten children as they opened the door of the day care center and burst outside. "We're the children of Mrs. Female's daycare!"

"Wonderful!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") exclaimed in feigned delight. "So, what would you children like to do?"

"I wanna hear a story that has a moral to it, like 'Persuasion is better than force' or 'It is easy to despise what you cannot get'!" said one child.

"I wanna actually learn something!" said another child.

"Well, that's too bad," Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") responded, "because today, we're going to do an arts and crafts project, and then we'll play some GAMES! Gwa ha ha!"

"I hate games!" griped a child. "Especially Tic-Tac-Toe! Only old people can like that game!"

"Can't we just learn how to spell the word 'lyceum'?" moaned another child.

"Nope, we're going to play games and have FUN!" Poker shouted. "Um, Casey, you do the arts and crafts thing while I think of a game to play."

"Um. . . let's dress up as Indians!" Casey shouted to the unhappy kids. "First, we'll cut out some strips of brown paper, and wrap them around our heads to make headbands!"

"I don't wanna!" said a particularly grouchy youth.

"Oh, fine. How can I bribe you kids into doing this project thing? What's your most FAVORITEST FOOD in the entire world?"

"Favoritest isn't even a word," replied one, "and Brussels sprouts."

"I like broccoli!" answered another.

"I want potato salad!"

"Gimme some spinach!"

"Only if you do this arts and crafts project!" Casey said. "Now get to cutting and gluing!"

"YEAH! Anything for Limburger cheese!"

Ten minutes later, Casey ran up to Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker"). "It took some fancy bribery, but I got them to do the project!" Casey announced.

"Good, because I've got the perfect game for you little ones to play: HIDE AND SEEK!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") shouted.

"I HATE hide and seek!" two kids shouted in unison.

"What's your favorite movie?" Casey asked, thinking fast.

"That's easy! Gigli!"

"I like Ishtar!"

"Finding Nemo!" The other kids stared at him. "What's weird about liking a G-rated animated film?"

"We'll watch those films, but only if you children agree to play ten games of Hide and Seek!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") said.

"Well, if it's the only way I can watch the Super Mario Bros. movie, sure. . ."

"You have good tastes, brother!" a fellow child said. "I hated the video game, but the movie was SO much better!"

"So, uh, how do you play Hide and Seek?"

"It's easy!" Casey said. "One child is It, and must cover his eyes and count to fifty while everyone else hides. Then It turns around and tries to find the other players. When he does, he chases after that child and tries to tag him, but if the other child touches the base and shouts 'ABC base power', he escapes. Whoever It tags becomes It for the next game."

"Huh? Wha?"

"Chess is so much easier than this. . ."

Suddenly, Mrs. Female drove back up to the daycare center in her car. "How stupid of me!" Mrs. Female said. "I left my Asteriskbucks Super Coffee Nickel Discount Card here! I needed to come back and retrieve it!" Mrs. Female entered the building, and then came out with the card. "Thanks for your patience – AHEM! – gentlemen," she said. "Oh, and by the way, would you know where my 100% bran cereal is? I thought I'd left it out on the counter. . ."

"I ate it!" one child spoke up. "Casey and Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") gave it to me to bribe me into making this stupid Indian costume."

"NO ONE TOUCHES MY 100% BRAN CEREAL!" Mrs. Female screamed. "YOU TWO SHALL BURN IN. . . um. . . A CAR WITH BROKEN AIR CONDITIONING!"

"Phew," Casey said, "for a moment there, I thought she was gonna cuss in front of the kids!"

"Magic spell of death thingy, whatever it was called!" Mrs. Female shouted, pulling her hands back.

"Actually, I think it was called the Generic Magical RAF Curse of Death!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") said.

"No one DARES to correct me when they're about to die!" Mrs. Female said, giving Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") the evil eye. She shot her hands in front of her, and two enormous fireballs appeared from them, flying towards Casey and Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker"), charring them both to a fine, fatal crisp. "Yay! I'm glad those jerks are gone!" the kids shouted. "Gimme some REAL education!"

Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") targets SELF with Ten Little Indians.
Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") dead.

The air heaved a sigh of relief, realizing that it had somehow managed to survive an entire round of RAF.

REMAINING PLAYERS:
HipHoppityFrogOfValue from the HRWiki forum
Norman Rorqual from the HRWiki forum
SEAN'D! from the HRWiki forum
akdrizzt from the Cyberscore forum
Gilbster from the Cyberscore forum
TheBrain from the Cyberscore forum
mudbuck from the Grey Labyrinth forum

ROUND TWO IS OVER. ROUND THREE IS NOW. SEND FOR ROUND THREE.

_________________

Aww, Homerun died! We only have 3 guys left!

But so does Cyberscore.

_________________

And my "home" forum only has one. Go, mudbuck!

Ian, could you please edit the topic title to reflect the start of Round 3?

_________________

Sorry, forgot there! ^_^

_________________

I sent SEAN'D! a reminder PM on October 1. He hasn't read it yet. Is he known to be on vacation or something?

_________________

Hey grant, why don't you just kill off SEAN'D! and move on?

_________________

Acutally, SEAN'D! sent a few days ago. I've been very uncreative lately, so writing is very slow.

_________________

Okie dokie...

_________________

Hey, um, can I be put on the list for the next game that happens? Could you pm me or something when it starts? Thanks.

_________________

Sure, you're on. I'll post an announcement when it begins, so stay tuned.

_________________

TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND THREE
CHAPTER ONE

HipHoppityFrogOfValue, Norman Rorqual, SEAN'D!, and mathgrant were watching television together. "I can't believe how downhill television has gone!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue lamented. "Even in the RAF-iverse, people enjoy the most horrible programming these days!"

"Especially this Deal or No Deal thing!" Norman Rorqual said. "I mean, it's just a game of chance! All you do is pick a bunch of random numbers! Where's the game in THAT?"

"I feel the exact same way!" SEAN'D! replied. "I hope I never get involved in some stupid game of chance where you just pick random stuff and hope things turn out in your favor!"

"So, uh. . ." mathgrant said. "You wanna get ready for Round 3 of the RAF game?"

"SURE!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue, Norman Rorqual, and SEAN'D! all shouted. "I LOVE RAF! IT'S THE BEST GAME EVER!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

mudbuck decided to spend another round of the RAF game visiting random websites and seeing what there was to download. "Hmm. . . this website seems promising!" mudbuck said. "It says I can download harmfulvirus.exe. Lemme read some more info." He clicked Info, and read on:

hello everybody i am from stupid-bleeping-mafia-fanboys-who-hate-raf.cx and i think ready aim fire is the worst game ever everybody needs to play mafia because ready aim fire is just a boring game thats like mafia but without a day phase and without mafia anyone who plays ready aim fire has a one-digit iq (hah! i have one more digit in my iq than you!) and the most stupidest people in the entire world are grey labyrinth people the grey labyrinth is an anathema to us mafia fanboy players im too dumb to know what the word anathema means but i hope its something bad anyhow all grey labyrinth peeheads need to download my deadly virus – stupidsam

"Ooh! He called me a peehead!" mudbuck said. "That's a very promising sign that downloading this virus will be fatal somehow!" mudbuck downloaded the virus, and proceeded to install it on his computer. The installation instructions were as follows:

weclome peehead to my virus please press ok to install a virus that will do all sorts of bad stuff to your hard drive and memory and internet connection and et cetera et cetera oh and play dead while the virus is installing for some random reason

"Play dead? I don't see how that will help the virus install faster, but OK. . ." mudbuck clicked the OK button on the dialog box and then feigned death. A few seconds later, HipHoppityFrogOfValue burst into the room. "Hey, mudbuck!! I'm here to kill – oh. You're already dead, I see," HipHoppityFrogOfValue said. "Somebody else must have gotten you. Well, I've gotta aim my pink pistol at SOMETHING. . . hmm. . . I'll shoot the power socket that your computer is plugged into for no reason." A BANG! sound was heard. "Aw, darnit. I forgot this pistol wasn't voice-activated. I guess I'll have to actually pull the trigger, instead of just saying bang." HipHoppityFrogOfValue pulled the trigger on his pink pistol. "Well, now that I've shot that socket thingy, I'll leave now! I don't know why I'm talking, seeing as you're already dead and can't hear a word of what I am saying, but I'm gonna leave now!"

Upon HipHoppityFrogOfValue's departure, mudbuck immediately got up and panicked. "OH NOES!" mudbuck shouted. "With the power socket shot, I may never be able to use my computer again! This is terrible! Just TERRIBLE! What am I ever going to do?" Suddenly, a light bulb figuratively went off in mudbuck's head. "THE OTHER POWER SOCKET!" Acting fast, mudbuck unplugged the computer and plugged it into the socket below. Powering it on, he was greeted by this message:

congratulations peehead. something went wrong in the installation and now not only will you NOT get the virus but you will actually be protected from every virus that anyone will ever make for the rest of your life and not even reformatting the hard drive will allow you to get a virus again hahahaha youre such a peehead

"Hmph. Guess I won't be dying THIS round," mudbuck pointed out.

Meanwhile, HipHoppityFrogOfValue had decided that shooting people with a pink pistol was getting way too old. "I need a new, fresh weapon!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue said. "Something so fresh, that even the prince of Bel-Air would covet it! But where can I get one? Hmm. . . I think I'll go to the pawn shop! I bet they'll have all kinds of people holding golden guns for me to buy!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue walked to Yuichi and Yuni Yusan's pawn shop, where akdrizzt happened to also be. "Oh! akdrizzt! How nice to see you here whilst buying myself a new weapon that's better than a pink pistol!"

"Oh! Long name I can't remember!" akdrizzt said. "How nice seeing YOU here whilst buying myself a suicide weapon!"

"Hellote, customers and customers!" Yuichi Yusan greeted them. "We is and is very glad to haves you here. We have something of large important to tell you!"

"I hope it has something to do with a two-for-one discount on people holding golden guns!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue said. "I'm in desperate need of stocking up on those."

"You seeing. . ." Yuni Yusan said, "This pawn shop is an illusion and is a trap devisut by Norman Rorqual!" Yuni Yusan snapped his fingers, and the pawn shop disappeared. "He us hired to kill you, HipHoppityFlogOfVarue!"

"And we are being go to kill you too, akdrizzt, for not reason!" Yuichi said.

"OH! MY EXCRETING DEITY!" HipHoppityFlogOfValue said. "I feel into a trap!"

"Question the excrement?" akdrizzt said. "Now we're making of speak of them, too!"

"For great justice!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue shouted. "Move attack!" He moved his fists back and was ready to punch Yuichi, but before he could do anything, Yuichi had leaped into the air and tossed a shuriken straight down at him. "I am of death!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue moaned.

"Ono!" akdrizzt screamed. "If I not carefull being, I'll die till I'm dead!"

"Preparation for life after, akdrizzt!" Yuni shouted as he administered a kick in akdrizzt's direction, but akdrizzt swiftly dodged and kicked Yuichi in the face, knocking him away with a DOGOON! sound effect. akdrizzt pulled the shuriken out of HipHoppityFrogOfValue's corpse and threw it at Yuichi, who was too dazed to dodge it. "Bah!" Yuni shouted. "You may witted outted my brother, but you have never wit out me!"

"We see about that!" akdrizzt shouted. "I be best ninja ever in world."

"You! Intruders! Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die!" Yuni shouted, pulling out a shotgun and pulling the trigger repeatedly and quickly. And repeatedly. And quickly. akdrizzt lay dead on the floor minutes later. "What a easy. I think I used 6.15% of my strongth."

"Gwa ha ha!" Norman Rorqual laughed maniacally to his childhood stuffed bear toy. "Just think, Theo Luckspin! With those two players gone, I now have a greater chance of not being dead at the end of the game! YAY!!!! Wait. . . mathgrant's still writing about me. That must mean I'm still important to the plot of this round. That means someone's about to kill me! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

"This bomb planted by Gilbster inside Norman's teddy bear will self-destruct in thirty paragraphs," said a voice from somewhere inside Theo's cloth body.

"What? Who said that?" Norman Rorqual asked, confused. "Did you hear that, Theo? Who said that? Oh, well, it's probably not important."

"This bomb planted by Gilbster inside Norman's teddy bear will self-destruct in twenty-eight paragraphs."

Gilbster walked up to Norman Rorqual, holding a copy of the book "How to Plant Bombs in Random Places". "Gwa ha ha!" Gilbster shouted. "I've hidden a paragraph time bomb somewhere, and you'll NEVER guess where it is!"

"Huh?" Norman Rorqual replied.

"That means you won't know where to go in order to avoid the resulting deadly explosion of the bomb! And you'll, like, die and stuff!"

"Oh, no!" Norman Rorqual shrieked. "Where is it?"

"Weren't you paying attention?" Gilbster asked, slightly frustrated. "I said you'd never be able to find it, because it's HIDDEN! Gwa ha ha!"

"This bomb planted by Gilbster inside Norman's teddy bear will self-destruct in twenty-two paragraphs."

"Nope. . . you'll NEVER find it. . ." Gilbster said.

"Hi, guys, I'm here!" mudbuck said as he approached Gilbster and Norman Rorqual.

"What are YOU doing here?" Norman Rorqual asked.

"mathgrant figures that it'll be easier to fill up a bunch of paragraphs if he has a bunch of people talking with each other," mudbuck said.

"Wait. . . what?" Norman Rorqual asked. "What's all this malarkey about paragraphs? I thought paragraphs only happened in, like, literature, not real life!"

"Dude, get real!" Gilbster scoffed. "This is a story."

"Don't you mean, dude, get fictional?" mudbuck quipped.

"Haha! Good one, mudbuck!" Gilbster laughed.

Norman Rorqual stared at the other two. ". . . You guys are weird."

"This bomb planted by Gilbster inside Norman's teddy bear will self-destruct in twelve paragraphs."

"So, uh. . ." mudbuck began hesitantly. "Uh. . . let's talk about random things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other!"

"Sounds good," Norman Rorqual said. "Um. . . popcorn balls!"

"The Salvation Army!" Gilbster said.

"Acne cream!" mudbuck interjected.

"Miss Zarves!" Norman Rorqual shouted.

"Times New Roman!" Gilbster replied.

"Oology!" mudbuck exclaimed.

"The traveling salesman problem!" Norman Rorqual said.

"Keith Ablow!" Gilbster screamed.

"Boxers and briefs!" mudbuck said loudly.

"Famous last words!" Norman Rorqual answered.

"This bomb planted by Gilbster inside Norman's teddy bear will self-de– " BOOM!!!!! Theo Luckspin exploded into many shards of cloth and plush, one of which somehow impaled Norman Rorqual and killed him. The rest of the shards all hit mudbuck and Gilbster, but they lived, because the former shot himself and got shot by HipHoppityFrogOfValue, and the latter didn't get shot, and the person she was shooting didn't shoot himself.

mudbuck targets SELF with .exe.
HipHoppityFrogOfValue targets mudbuck with a pink pistol.
Norman Rorqual targets HipHoppityFrogOfValue with a ninja.
Gilbster targets Norman Rorqual with a soft cuddly teddy bear.
akdrizzt targets SELF with ninjas.
HipHoppityFrogOfValue, Norman Rorqual, and akdrizzt dead.

"Wow!" TheBrain said as he looked at SEAN'D!'s collection of Lego bricks. "How big IS that collection?"

"It's over NINE THOUUUUUSAAAAAAAND!" SEAN'D! replied. After a few seconds of silence, he commented, "Hey, I just realized that mathgrant's very inconsistent on whether to use trademarks and names from the 'real world' in the RAF-iverse, or whether to use parodies thereof."

"Huh?" TheBrain uttered.

"Like, he just called the bricks in my collection Legos, and there was an iPod earlier in this game, but there was also a personal video recorder called TeeView, and in another sc–"

We interrupt this stupid deathscene that you'll end up really hating me for, to bring you this commercial that you'll end up really hating me for, and no, it doesn't involve applying anything directly to the forehead; I'm not THAT evil. In a name change that nobody saw coming and that will cause us to lose millions of previously loyal customers, TeeView is now TeVie Wonder™! Don't just be a Part-Time Lover of your favorite TV shows! Love them all the time with TeVie Wonder™, the Higher Ground of TV viewing! You'll want to Go Home quickly every day to experience the incredible TeVie Wonder™ magic! It'll make you say, 'I Wish I'd gotten one sooner!'" And now, back to the stupid deathscene that you'll end up really hating me for.

"–ene, there were cereals called Frosted Fakes, Lie, and Count Crockula."

"Hmm. . . must be a government conspiracy," TheBrain said. "Or maybe it's just aliens."

"That's probably it!" SEAN'D! said. "I'm going to build something with these Legos now!"

"And I'm going to do random worthless junk that nobody cares about with this handful o' gravel I always have on me all the time!" TheBrain said.

TheBrain did some random worthless junk with his gravel. You wouldn't care about it. All you need to know is that the air somehow got killed in the process of whatever random worthless junk TheBrain was doing.

Meanwhile, SEAN'D! commenced constructing something with his Lego bricks, until it looked just like a robot with laser beams in its eyes. "Wow! This thing I just constructed with Lego bricks looks just like a robot with laser beams in its eyes!" SEAN'D! observed in amazement.

"Yeah, that does look just like. . . what did you say it looked like again?" TheBrain said.

"Um. . . I forget." SEAN'D! responded.

Suddenly, for absolutely no reason at all, a sorcerer or something appeared. "Gwa ha ha!" the sorcerer said. "I have randomly appeared for no reason to transform your Lego brick robot thingie into a real-life robot thingie!"

"Wait. . . isn't that redundant?" SEAN'D! asked. "Appearing randomly logically implies that it must have been for no reason, or else it wouldn't be random."

"Wait. . . isn't that a contradiction in terms?" TheBrain asked. "Transforming a Lego brick robot into an actual robot sounds like a reason to me. So you can't say that you appeared for no reason."

"Ummmm. . . errrrrrr. . . THERE'S NO ONE CASTING THIS SPELL! ARGGGLLBBLBLBLBLBLLBL!" said the sorcerer, as he vanished in a puff of logic.

"Yay! We vanquished that sorcerer guy before he could cast his spell!" TheBrain shouted. "Now the Lego brick robot won't transform into a real robot!"

However, the Lego brick robot somehow transformed into a real robot anyway. "YAY!" SEAN'D! said. "My Lego brick robot somehow transformed into a real robot anyway!"

The robot turned its head to SEAN'D!, and began to synthesize speech. "Hello, master. What can I do for you?"

"Ummmmmmm. . ." SEAN'D! thought out loud. "Uhhhhhh. . . use your laser eyes to destroy two buildings whose names are bad puns, and then explode and kill the air?"

"Yes, master. I will do what you say, master," the robot synthesized. The robot walked towards a local gambling establishment, the Casino DeLucks.

The robot destroyed the Casino DeLucks with its laser eyes.

"One building down, one to go," the robot synthesized.

The robot walked towards a records store, All Sales Are Vinyl.

The robot destroyed All Sales Are Vinyl with its laser eyes.

"Two buildings down, none to go," the robot synthesized. "Time to explode and kill the air."

The robot exploded.

The air died.

"That was the stupidest deathscene ever written," SEAN'D! said.

"I concur," TheBrain said.

mudbuck ran up to TheBrain and SEAN'D! "You're both horribly wrong. Clearly you haven't been readers of mathgrant's RAF games for as long as I have. . . ."

TheBrain targets AIR with a handful of gravel.
SEAN'D! targets AIR by building Legos.

REMAINING PLAYERS:
SEAN'D! from the HRWiki forum
Gilbster from the Cyberscore forum
TheBrain from the Cyberscore forum
mudbuck from the Grey Labyrinth forum

ROUND THREE IS OVER. ROUND FOUR IS NOW. SEND FOR ROUND FOUR.

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Wow, you really like making fun of TV shows, don't you?

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I never realized it before, but yeah, you're right. I do enjoy satiring TV shows.

Not as much as I enjoy satiring Engrish, though. =D

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