Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

Okay, I'ma gonna have a pink pistol. (ZOMG clan)

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TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND ONE
CHAPTER ONE

mudbuck looked around intently, hoping to find a good suicide weapon. "My life is so worthless," mudbuck lamented to himself. "I desperately need a weapon. I hope I can find one somewhere." Suddenly, a building labeled "Aybee's Pawn Shop" magically appeared, apparently from nowhere. "Maybe someone pawned off a good weapon recently," mudbuck said, walking inside. "Welcome to Aybee's Pawn Shop!" said Aybee to his customer. "What would you like?"

"I'm just looking around, thank you!" mudbuck said, looking around. His eyes fell upon a book entitled "The Devil Wears Nada". "Whoa! People pawn off BOOKS here?" mudbuck exclaimed in amazement.

"Yeah!" the pawnbroker replied. "This one guy pawned off every book he owned just last week!"

"I'll buy THIS one!" mudbuck said, slapping his money in front of the register. Having paid for his new book, he eagerly ran to IantheGecko to show it to him. "HEY, IAN! CHECK THIS OUT!" mudbuck screamed in all capital letters.

"What the heck IS that?" Ian wondered aloud with only three capital letters.

"It's only the greatest novel written by Lauren Dumberger in 2003 ever!" mudbuck said. "I bought it at Aybee's Pawn Shop, and now I will read it aloud for some reason. Ahem.

"Hello. I am Andrea Baggs, and I just graduated from college. This is good news. I am working for NoClothesCo, the only company in the entire world that manufactures clothes for nudists. This is bad news. You see, they haven't sold a single thing in the past two years, and the boss, Carmen Piecely, is VERY. TICKED. OFF. She's so upset about it, that she's making me do all kinds of stupid chores, like yesterday when I big blob of nothing but blue – "

mudbuck turned the page.

"– Another big blob of nothing but blue – "

mudbuck turned the page.

"Hey! This book is all blue! And my hands! They're blue, too!"

"I wonder why," Ian said, hiding an empty paint bucket behind his back.

"Well, I guess I can't kill myself with THIS anymore," mudbuck said, trashing his newly-purchased book.

Meanwhile, SEAN'D! was pushing around a huge cart with a huge vat of stew on it. "I've just GOT to get this stew to IantheGecko!" SEAN'D! said. "It's the best way I know of to kill him!"

Hiding inside the stew was HipHoppityFrogOfValue wearing pink scuba gear. "Yeah! I can't wait to shoot him with my pink pistol! I bought it at Jenny Bishopperson's Pink Things Store during her recent Extravagan-Sale!"

"Ian's coming! HIDE!" SEAN'D! exclaimed as Ian came. HHFOV dove down into the stew. "Hey, there, Ian! I made you a huge pot of completely normal, non-fatal stew!"

"Ooh, ratatouille, my favorite!" Ian said, pronouncing the second word "rat-a-towel-lee". He pronounced the other words "oo", "mai", and "fay-vur-it", respectively.

"I knew you'd like it!" SEAN'D! said. "Now, you'd better eat –"

"SURPRISE!" HipHoppityFrogOfValue leaped out of the stew pot and immediately shot IantheGecko with his pink pistol. A pink bullet flew out of the pink pistol, and hit IantheGecko in the heart, causing him to bleed to death. Alas and alack, however, the blood was red, and not pink.

SEAN'D! became angry at HHFOV. "Curse you, HipHoppityFrogOfValue! You were supposed to wait for Ian to take a few bites of the stew before shooting him! Now we have all this extra stew that we have to eat!"

"I wouldn't eat it if I were you," HHFOV warned sternly. "Remember the 137 glasses of melonade I drank before jumping into this stew pot?"

"Yeah. . ."

"Well, I couldn't hold it in for very long, and. . ."

"EWWWW!" SEAN'D! exclaimed. He knocked the pot down, causing the contents to spill onto the ground, where they got eaten by some badgers. They died.

mudbuck targets SELF with pawn shop.
IantheGecko targets mudbuck with a Bucket of Blue Paint.
SEAN'D! targets IantheGecko with a killer stew.
HipHoppityFrogOfValue targets IantheGecko with a pink pistol.
IantheGecko dead.

Luigi Hailer yawned. "Pressing that submit button to sign up for this game sure took the wind outta me!" Luigi Hailer said. "I need a loooong nap." Mistaking a nearby rock for a pillow, Luigi Hailer placed his head upon it and promptly fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Nielske was busy buying and wrapping a last-minute birthday present for his friend, to which I will assign no fictitious name, inasmuch as it can be of no possible consequence to the reader. What is of possible consequence to the reader, however, is the fact that said friend is a Christian. "I'm sure he'll enjoy this cross I bought for him!" Nielske shouted as he frantically wrapped the cross in pretty paper. "All Christians love crosses, right?" Upon completely covering the cross in paper, Nielske checked his watch. "AHHH! I've only got two more minutes to get to the party! I need to hurry up and get this bow on it!" Nielske stuck a two-cent bow on the present and ran for the door, but the bow suddenly popped off into the air and fell to the floor. Nielske sighed, picked up the bow, and stuck it back on. Ten seconds later, however, it popped off again. This stick-on-and-pop-off process continued until Nielske was ten minutes late for the party. Frustrated, he threw the cross down to the floor. It broke into several pieces. One of them was shaped like the Virgin Mary; it sold for $2,006 on eBay.

Luigi Hailer woke up from his nap two hours later. "That was a good nap!" Luigi Hailer said to himself as he sat up. "Uhhhhh. . . sitting up sure took the wind outta me!" Luigi Hailer moaned as he laid himself back down on the rock for another nap. Then, ten minutes later, he died in his sleep. It was a sad, tragic death.

Luigi Hailer sends no choice.
Nielske targets AIR with a crossbow.
Luigi Hailer dead.

akdrizzt had been eagerly playing computer games on his computer for the past seventy-four days now, with a different computer game for each day; this day's game happened to be Shoot the Other Guy 'til He's Dead 64, by Air-Soft, Inc. The game offered everything a serious gamer like akdrizzt could ever need: realistic-looking exploding blood, online multiplayer capabilities, and most importantly, a cool-sounding title that rolls off the tongue easily. akdrizzt had set up the game on two computers. He was playing using the Ultra Powerful Mega Super Killing Gun and the Super Tough Impenetrable Armor. His online opponent on the other computer was the air, using the HAHAHA SO WEAK LOLZORZ Gun and the No Armor Armor. "BATTLE START IN 3..." appeared in a cool font on both computers. Then the 3 changed to a 2. Then the 2 became a 1. Then the 1 became a 0. Then the text disappeared, and akdrizzt commenced pressing the Fire button on his joystick controller rapidly, sending a stream of bullets at the air's game avatar and killing it. The text "akdrizzt IS THE WINNER!" appeared on both computer monitors. Then the air killed itself out of frustration from losing the game.

akdrizzt targets AIR with an air-soft gun.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

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Awww, I died!

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On the bright side, you've got an awesome avatar! That's better than dying.

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Woohoo I'm still alive telling from here

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

Haha, What an awesome double team Effort.

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Buhubs, that's only part 1 of round 1. Your part is still to come.

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Oy, the dead can be so pouty

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

Hey, at least I know what happened to me!

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TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND ONE
CHAPTER TWO

Extremejon09 was working at the local alternate-universe grocery store, performing the very tedious and boring task of printing out price stickers and sticking them to objects. The task was made even harder by the boss's absolute insistence that he only stick the price stickers on objects which were actually for sale, unlike last week, when a customer tried to buy one of the grocery baggers for $11.97 plus tax. Additionally, the prices on the stickers had to match the prices of the items, unlike last week, when the same then-employee whose carelessness initiated the bagger-buying fiasco caused a significant drop in sales by placing 30-cent price tags on 25-cent packages of gum.

While Extremejon09 was doing this, an employee responsible for loading the grocery items into the aisles decided to strike up a conversation with him. "It's not fair that guy had to get fired!" he exclaimed. "We all know it wasn't HIM who caused gum to be 5 cents more expensive. It was the phantom!"

"The. . . PHAN-tom?" Extremejon09 asked incredulously. "The. . . phan-TOM?"

"You know, the phantom of the grocery store!" the aisle-filler replied, as if Extremejon had to be a rock-underside-dweller to not know who the phantom of the grocery store is. "Oh, right. I forgot. You're from an alternate universe," he said, his tone significantly less condescending than before. "Basically, some guy was in the cereal isle, and a box of Frosted Fakes fell on his left foot, and a box of Lie fell on his right foot, and a box of Count Crockula hit his stomach, and he died. Now he haunts the store for some reason."

"You mean he died from three boxes of cereal? What a lame-o!" Extremejon09 laughed.

"Hey, this is a RAF-iverse! Anything can be dangerous!" the worker said sternly. "Especially with that phantom around. If only there were some way to capture him. . ."

"Yeah. . . ." Extremejon09 lamented as he stuck a price sticker on a can of lighter fluid, which suddenly caught on fire. "What in the –?" Extremejon09 wondered aloud. "Why'd it explode?"

The items-putter-upper shrieked. "It's the curse of the phantom! He set a curse on that price sticker-printer-thingy so that everything the stickers come into contact with either catches fire or explodes!"

"I think I have an idea on how we can catch the phantom!" Extremejon09 said.

A few minutes later, Extremejon09 had put a price sticker on a package of bacon. "This plan is foolproof!" he proclaimed. "When the phantom sees the bacon, he'll spring right for the trap!" He and the other worker-type person were silent for about ten seconds. Then Extremejon09 looked at the bacon. "Hey! Buy-one-get-one-free bacon!" he shouted, leaping towards it. It exploded in his hands, and he died.

Extremejon09 targets SELF with a pricing gun with magical labels that can do such things as explode, and set stuff on fire.
Extremejon09 dead.

Gold_Shooter had decided that the best way, or at least the funniest way, to kill himself would be with a brand new car. However, after giving it a few more moments' thought, Gold_Shooter changed his mind, and decided to buy a used car of one of those really old and unheard of models that are so obscure, there are more people who can bend over backwards and shoot an arrow at a target with their feet while blindfolded than who have heard of it. Going to the only used car lot within walking distance of his current position, he saw that they had only one car for sale: a '42 Tonkiap Plasma, with 42 miles on it and just $42 a month for 42 months. "Perfect!" Gold_Shooter said. "If I could just negotiate the price, then this car will be a worthwhile buy!"

Gold_Shooter went inside the dealership and found a salesman who was ready for him. "Listen, Salesman Man, I would like to buy your only car, but it's too expensive! I simply can't afford $42 a month for 42 months!"

"That's bad," the salesman said. "What would you like to attempt to haggle me down to?"

"Make it $41.99 a month for 42 months, and you have a deal!"

"DEAL, HOWIE! DEAL!" the salesman shouted.

"Um. . . my name's not Howie," Gold_Shooter pointed out.

"I know that, I was just making a random pop culture reference."

"Aw, come on, Salesman Man, you c–"

"Um. . . My name's not Salesman Man. It's Howie."

"Oh. Aw, come on, Howie, you can make a better pop culture reference than THAT! If you had a big red button which you pressed to close the deal, and a bunch of models holding numbered briefcases, then you'd have a REAL pop culture reference. As it stands, though, Howie, your pop culture reference-itude is rather low."

"And YOUR killing yourself-itude is rather low!" Howie screamed. "So hurry up and kill yourself like the narrator said you would!"

"Huh?" Gold_Shooter said in a befuddled tone.

"I mean, um, eh-heh, what fourth wall? There's no fourth wall here! I am completely unaware that I am in a story!"

Gold_Shooter took out his shrink ray and shot his new used '42 Tonkiap Plasma with it, making it as small as a bullet. Then, he put the car in his rifle, put said rifle next to his head, and shot said head with said rifle.

Gold_Shooter targets SELF with a plasma autorifle.
Gold_Shooter dead.

Sessie slept in her bed. This was normal for her. What was abnormal about this particular instance of sleep-havings was that it was 6:26 PM, and she had been asleep for 22 hours and 39 minutes. Another thing that was abnormal about this particular instance of sleep-havings was that her bed was being carted away to Tijuana by mith. For the sake of plot, mith and the sleeping Sessie didn't have to buy plane tickets or acquire visas or walk through a security gate which would loudly beep because it detected mith's metal belt buckle. Instead, for the sake of plot, mith was able to get there in two seconds via a warp pipe or wormhole or something.

When Sessie awoke, she heard mith's voice booming, as if he was speaking into a microphone (which, in fact, he was). "And in this corner of the World Association of Random People Engaged in Deathmatches arena," mith's voice echoed, "it's Casey 'The Little Weasel' Smashmouth! What a weird last name!"

Then, another voice started to echo, too. "Mr. Smashmouth has a very controversial deathmatching style which causes many fans to believe he should be banned from WARPED," the voice said, "but he's still playing, and with a record of 74-0!"

"Obviously, the second number has to be 0, or else he wouldn't be here right?" mith said. Then the maniacal laughter of both voices echoed. A lot. "But seriously, HyToFry, we've got an exciting match coming up, because Casey's opponent is newcomer Sessie!"

"Her record is 0-0!" HyToFry noted.

"Hey, the deathmatch is about to start, peoples, so pull out your popcorn and sit back and watch, because with my worst RAF enemy Sessie in the arena, this is guaranteed to be a thrill to watch! Heeh heeh heeeeeehh!" mith snickered.

"Three. . . two. . . one. . . GO!" shouted the referee.

Sessie quickly pulled the covers over her and put her head face down underneath the pillow. She hoped this was a dream; oh, how she hoped it was a dream. But it wasn't.

Casey Smashmouth pulled out a gun and shot Sessie in the buttocks. She died.

"And the winner, after an exciting 2.7-second long battle, is CASEY 'THE LITTLE WEASEL' SMASHMOUTH!" mith whooped, hollered, and cheered, and was the only one doing so.

"Wow! That's awesome, dudes!" Casey said. "So, uh, who's my next challenger?"

"Why, it's. . . YOU, MITH! GWA HA HA!" HyToFry exclaimed, tossing a "What the heckAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"-screaming mith into the arena.

"Three. . . two. . . one. . . GO!"

mith quickly jumped onto the bed, pulled the covers over him, and put his head face down underneath the pillow. He hoped this was a dream; oh, how he hoped it was a dream. But it wasn't.

Casey Smashmouth pulled out a gun and shot mith in the buttocks. He died.

"And the winner, after an exciting 2.7-second long battle, is CASEY 'THE LITTLE WEASEL' SMASHMOUTH!" HyToFry whooped, hollered, and cheered, and was the only one doing so.

Mr. Smashmouth put his gun back into its holster, and walked up to Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker"), his manager. "Good job, Casey!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") said, patting him on the back. "I'm quite proud of your 76-0 record! You make me quite proud!"

"Thanks for that gun you gave me!" Casey said. "I wouldn't have such great performance without it, dude!"

"Don't mention it!" Poker (whose name begins with P and rhymes with "Roker") replied. "It's the least I could do for a swell guy like you!"

Sessie sends no choice.
mith targets Sessie with a Secret Tijuana Deathmatch.
HyToFry targets mith with "The Little Weasel".
Poker targets Sessie with a gun.
Sessie and mith dead.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

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Err, One Question. I bet I'm missing something obvious, How exactly do you decide who gets matched up with who?

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Woot, still alive, when Raf! 7 starts who's modding it or telling the stories or whatever

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

Hooray, I haven't been shot yet!

Yet.

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I have no idea. I might do it again, or maybe mathgrant.

Or if someone else wants to give it a shot.

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Well, it's just i had another idea to variety Raf! like mathgrant with his tri-forum competition

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

Oh, really? What is it?

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Well it's kind of where the 10 players are put in this top 10 list and while continous rounds are going, the object of the whole game is not to sink to the bottom slot or you will be eliminated from the game, I would give more details but I don't want to give so much away unless this idea is really, really wanted

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

How do you move up or down on the top 10 list?

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If you get killed, you move down to where the other failers are and the shot battle it out to become succesful, time depends on how low you get or high you get, then soon people start sinking down to the bottom slot and get eliminated

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

OIC. Kinda confusing, but ok.

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Okay what, "this is a good idea" or "I've seen the poopsmith say better thoughts"

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

Well, maybe you should give an example to make yourself more clear, buhubs. That's all.

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TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND ONE
CHAPTER THREE (AKA THE LEGAL DOUBLE POST CHAPTER)

In one of the more replete-with-hillbillies parts of the RAF-iverse, the Beretfields and the McCommitteds were fighting over a field. Well, technically, a Beretfield and a McCommitted were fighting over a field, but who's counting? "This field is gonna be MINE!" Billy "The Hillbilly" Beretfield shouted, pulling out his shotgun.

"No, it's gonna be MINE!" Billy "The Hillbilly" McCommitted shouted, pulling out his own shotgun.

"Fine, we'll settle this the old-fashioned way!" Billy "The Hillbilly" Beretfield said. "We'll shoot each other with our shotguns, and whoever doesn't die keeps the field!"

"Fine by me! This field will be MINE!" Billy "The Hillbilly" McCommitted exclaimed.

"No, MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!!!!!!"

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

TheBrain smiled as he watched the family feud ensue. "This is perfect!" he said. "I just have to run between them, and at least ONE of their bullets must hit me!" Thus, he ran as fast as he could towards the feuding feuders.

Meanwhile, luigimaster64 and Turbos watched the feud, too, but with awe-struck amazement and not smiles on their faces. "Whoa!" they both said at the same time. "Look at Pa skillfully shooting that other guy! You get that field from him, Pa! That field is YOURS!" Then, for the first time, each of them realized the other person was also there. "Hey! That other guy's your Pa?" they both said simultaneously.

"Yeah!" Turbos responded. "I'm not John Young from Pittsburgh. That's just a pseudonym. I'm actually Billy-Bob Beretfield from Smalltown, Tennessee. I can't believe I never mentioned that potentially embarrassing fact about myself earlier." Turbos winked.

"Bobby-Bill McCommitted, Evensmallertown, Alabama, nice to meet you!" luigimaster64 said.

"So, um. . . wanna sit back, eat some popcorn, and watch this feud play out?" Turbos inquired.

"Sure!" luigimaster64 replied.

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Billy "The Hillbilly" McCommitted shouted as he reloaded his shotgun and dodged a stream of bullets from Billy "The Hillbilly" Beretfield.

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Billy "The Hillbilly" Beretfield shouted, shooting a stream of bullets at Billy "The Hillbilly" McCommitted while he was reloading his shotgun.

Minutes later, Turbos and luigimaster64 saw TheBrain running towards the feuders. "AW DANG!" they both shouted at the same time, throwing their popcorn to the ground. "HE'S GONNA BREAK UP THE FEUD! LET'S KILL HIM!"

"I've got my trusty head-bashin' skillet!" luigimaster64 said. He did indeed have his trusty head-bashin' skillet.

"And I've got my trusty head-bashin'. . . um. . . divinin' rod!" Turbos said. He did indeed have his trusty head-bashin' divinin' rod.

"That's great!" luigimaster64 replied. "Now we can charge on outta here!"

"CHAAAAARGE!" the two shouted as they ran towards the field with weapons in hand.

"This field is MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Billy "The Hillbilly" McCommitted shouted.

"No, MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!" Billy "The Hillbilly" Beretfield shouted.

Suddenly, the feuders both saw Turbos and luigimaster64 running towards them. "AW DANG!" they both exclaimed simultaneously. "THE SON OF A GUN'S GETTIN' HELP FROM HIS SON! I'D BETTER KILL THAT GRANDSON OF A GUN!" Billy "The Hillbilly" McCommitted and Billy "The Hillbilly" Beretfield shot Turbos and luigimaster64, respectively. Both used up their last bullet in this way. "AW DANG!" they both shouted. "WE'RE OUT OF BULLETS! NOW WE'LL BE FORCED TO. . . SHARE THE FIELD!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" TheBrain, seeing that the feud had ended, turned around and walked away dejectedly.

Homerun Starrer, who for some reason, like for a documentary or something, was filming the entire feud, walked up to the dead bodies of Turbos and luigimaster64. "Wow! This is ultra-convenient!" Homerun Starrer said. "The guy I'm targetting this round is the son of one of the guys I was filming! That makes it easy to shoot him! Um. . . take THIS!" Homerun Starrer shouted, throwing a razor-sharp compact disc at luigimaster64. "And THIS!" he shouted, throwing a razor-sharp bottle of cadmium at luigimaster64. "AND THIS!" he shouted, throwing a razor-sharp Christian Dior clothing item at luigimaster64. "Um, I'm out of razor-sharp things that the letters 'CD' can stand for," Homerun Starrer said. "I'll go away right now."

He went away right then.

TheBrain targets SELF by running flat out through a minefield.
luigimaster64 targets TheBrain with a skillet.
Turbos targets TheBrain (weapon unspecified).
Homerun Starrer targets luigimaster64 with a bunch of razor sharp CD's.
luigimaster64 and Turbos dead.

The Cheshire Man decided to skim around in the RAF-iverse's equivalent of TV Guide. He was quite pleased to discover that his favorite TV show of all time, the ever-popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Random Animals, aired in the RAF-iverse, too, every Saturday morning at 3:00 AM. Since, by a strange coincidence, it happened to be 2:57 AM on a Saturday, The Cheshire Man turned on his television and started watching the last three minutes of the previous program, Strong Shapeshifting Strength Rangers.

Meanwhile, the equally insomnia-suffering mikeamok and The Chessman had already been watching that channel for the past 200 hours, having vegetated and become living, breathing (barely) couch potatoes. "Maybe. . ." mikeamok said in a droning voice. "Maybe we should press that button labeled 'Power' and go to bed."

"Nah," The Chessman said, his voice droning, too.

"I read in a newspaper years ago that watching too much television can kill you," mikeamok managed to utter, his eyes still glued to the set, which was displaying a commercial for the pizzeria Charles Cheese's. This had been the fiftieth time he'd seen the commercial, but he was so hypnotized by the screen that he didn't realize it. "I think we'd better. . ." mikeamok lost all his vocal capabilities just as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Random Animals opening sequence had started. mikeamok, The Chessman, and The Cheshire Man all watched the program intently, but only the latter of the three was doing so on his free will.

"Ay caramba!" shouted Brahms, a chihuahua. "Cutter is trying to take over Oklahoma City AGAIN! We'd better stop him!"

"Ja!" shouted Bach, a triceratops. A three-cornered hat topped Bach's head.

"But how will we get to his secret hideout in time?" wondered Beethoven, a cow.

"Hmm. . . hey, Bach, could you take us there on your Magic Tricycle That Goes Through The Air Thing?" Brahms asked.

"Oui!" Bach said. He and his teammates somehow managed to all get on the tricycle, and they zoomed through the air as Bach pedaled. They went so fast, Bach's three-cornered hat almost fell off.

"Hey, Bach!" Beethoven asked. "So, um. . . how do you plan on defeating Cutter when we get there?"

"Sí!" Bach said.

"Yes, I know we will defeat Cutter, but how?"

"Ja!"

"Okay, lemme ask this: do you have a plan formulated for defeating Cutter?"

"Oui!"

"How wonderfully delightful! What is it?"

"Ja!"

"Is that all you know how to say?"

"Sí!"

Ten "oui"s, eleven "ja"s, and eight "sí"'s later, Brahms, Bach, and Beethoven have arrived at Cutter's lair. "Gwa ha ha!" Cutter said. "You'll never. . . um. . . defeat me! I'll claim. . . um. . . errr. . . whatever this Oklahoma city is called."

"Oklahoma City," Beethoven said.

"Right! Oklahoma City, thanks! Um, I'll take over it! GWA HA HA!"

"We'll beat you yet!" Brahms said. "Bach, stab him with your Magic Pitchfork That Stabs Villains Thing! Beethoven, shoot him with your Magic Laser Gun That Shoots Lasers Thing!"

"Ja!" Bach shouted, pulling out his pitchfork.

"Eat laser, um, laser-eater!" Beethoven said, pulling out her laser gun. She shot at Cutter twice, but he dodged them. Bach threw his pitchfork at Cutter. Cutter didn't dodge that. The battle was then over.

"YAY!" Brahms said. "Now Cutter is gone for good, and we'll never have to battle him again, will we, Bach?"

"Sí!" Bach said.

"Aw, dagnabbit!" Brahms and Beethoven shouted. Then the ending credits rolled.

The Cheshire Man enjoyed the show so much, he pressed the Rewind button on his TeeView remote and watched it again. mikeamok and The Chessman, however, lost all consciousness from their mesmerized bodies before they got a chance to watch any TV again, ever.

The Cheshire Man targets AIR with Mutant Chihuahua.
mikeamok targets SELF with a trilingual tricorn-sporting triceratops on a tricycle wielding a trident.
The Chessman targets SELF with a laser beam cow.
mikeamok and the The Chessman dead.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

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Awesome.

That's all I have to say.

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Awesome job mathgrant, I still don't know what my status is, I hope it's alive

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

You'll come up soon, buhubs. Doing an RAF between 3 forums does take some time to organize.

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Why you be smiling? Oh no is my fly open again?

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If I had posted during the time of COVID, COLA woulda called me worse than the virus.

TRI-FORUM RAF
ROUND ONE
CHAPTER FOUR

AZu walked towards the stage nervously. He knew he had to completely wow the audience to have even a remote chance at winning at this point. He was on the new reality series "Death Star", where the next of kin of whoever garnered the most audience votes by dying would win $1,000,000. The previous competitor, Kenny McKennyson, had juggled three knives in midair whilst falling from a tall building, and after he landed, all three knives stabbed his back. "How am I supposed to top THAT?" AZu wondered. "My chances at winning are a real long shot, but. . . THAT'S IT!"

AZu walked onto the stage with newfound confidence, holding a gun in his hand. "People! I am about to astonish you with my precise aim and amazing knowledge of RAF-iverse physics!" AZu shouted. "See that stage door that's approximately a hundred feet away? I'm going to shoot this rubber bullet so that it gets wedged between the doors. Then I'll shoot this metal bullet precisely at the rubber bullet, where it will bounce back towards me and kill me! Isn't that AMAZING?" The audience agreed by shouting really loudly and clapping a lot. "Okay, then! Here I go!"

Meanwhile, Neoguy was using his Radar Scan Type Device device to locate AZu, while also dragging along a cannon which was loaded with a certain Hormel meat product. "Nobody likes a certain Hormel meat product!" Neoguy said. "Killing AZu will be a cinch!"

"Nobody likes peas either!" homestardude7777 replied. "I brought my pea shooter with me, so killing AZu ought to be even easier!"

"Hey! I have an idea!" Neoguy said as he approached the stage doors. "Let's get a plate and shoot our foodstuffs onto it, and then throw the plate at AZu! That ought to work!"

"Look!" homestardude7777 exclaimed. "Someone left a plate here for some reason! Let's use it!"

Neoguy and homestardude7777 shot their respective certain Hormel meat product and peas at the plate. Then, Neoguy opened the entry doors. A metal bullet hit his chest and he died. A rubber bullet fell from between the doors and landed near homestardude7777.

The judges frowned at AZu. "I'm sorry," said one judge, "but you've been disqualified from the competition for failing to die. Good day, sir." The audience was enraged at this. They looked back at the doors, and saw the man who had opened them. "HE RUINED THE SHOW! LET'S GET HIM!" they all shouted, running at homestardude7777 at a very high speed, as he ran away at an even higher speed.

Meanwhile, wordcross and Shadowtje were plotting together. "So," wordcross said.

"La," Shadowtje said, two semitones higher.

"Ti," wordcross said, two semitones higher than that.

"Do!" Shadowtje said, a semitone higher than that. "That was fun! Music always allows me to better plot the deaths of other people."

"So, my plan," wordcross said, "is to build a huge brick wall, and then you'll insert your poisoned needles into the mortar, and then we'll somehow lure him into running into the wall and killing himself."

"How will we lure him into running into a brick wall, though?" Shadowtje asked.

"I dunno. Maybe we'll sing a diatonic scale together after we build it, and then we'll get an idea."

"Sounds like a plan," Shadowtje agreed.

Meanwhile, buhubs was looking at three guns at the local RAF-iverse gun shop: a READY gun, an AIM gun, and a FIRE gun. "What's this one do?" buhubs asked the salesman, pointing to the READY gun.

"Why, that gun shoots its fatal bullets so fast, your opponent won't be ready!" the salesman responded.

"And what's this one do?" buhubs pointed to the FIRE gun this time.

"That one's a flamethrower! Fire is very fatal, too!"

"And this one?" buhubs pointed to the AIM gun.

"That one shoots out pictures of Muppet Guy Smiley, pro wrestler Norman Smiley, and singer Brett Smiley. The pictures aren't fatal at all."

"OOH!" buhubs exclaimed. "I'll take that one! I've always wanted to shoot pictures at Neoguy!"

Suddenly, raekuul ran up to buhubs. "buhubs!" raekuul said. "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

"Oh! What is it?" buhubs asked.

"The bad news is. . . I have to kill you. Haha!" raekuul grabbed the FIRE gun and the READY gun, and shot buhubs with both of them at the same time. "HAAHAAHAAA!!!!! Die, you dying person!" raekuul shouted.

homestardude7777 looked behind him at the mob which had been chasing him relentlessly for two hours. He didn't see the brick wall in front of him, nor did he see the poisoned needles jutting out of the grout. He crashed into them, and died. "Wow, that was easy!" wordcross said.

"Yeah!" Shadowtje said. "We didn't have to sing a scale after all!"

Suddenly, a rifle came flying from out of nowhere and hit wordcross in the face. "WORDCROSS!!" Shadowtje shouted. "Are you OK?" wordcross, seeing as he was unconscious, didn't respond to Shadowtje's desperate pleas.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE MY RIFLE, WORDCROSS?" Gilbster shouted from some distance away.

"WHAT?" Shadowtje shouted. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK LOUDER OR COME CLOSER!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Gilbster shouted. "I CAN'T MAKE OUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, WORDCROSS! LET ME COME CLOSER TO YOU."

Meanwhile, MatthewV walked around and searched for Neoguy, holding on to a rusty silver chess knight from a rusty metal chess set. The chess knight was covered in a poisonous substance that would kill anyone who smelled it. MatthewV was wearing a mask over his face to protect himself. "WHERE IS NEOGUY?" MatthewV shouted in frustration. "I can't kill him if I can't find him!"

"But I can still kill YOU!" Virax exclaimed. "Meet my LEMON-FUELED ROCKET-PROPELLED TOASTER STRUDEL OF PAIN AND DESTRUCTION!"

Virax pointed to a very complicated device, which was apparently his weapon. "What's THAT?" MatthewV asked.

"It's easy!" Virax said. "I've got this terrible old car that hardly works, and I have every member of the Houston Rockets basketball team driving it! The car is attached to this machine that transfers the energy from the car into this toaster, and when the toaster strudel is extremely hot, it'll fly out, and with any luck, it will hit you in the face, and you'll die."

"That sounds SO needlessly complicated," MatthewV said. "Couldn't you have done something simpler, like run me over with the car or something?"

". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . That works too," Virax admitted. He flagged the car's drivers, and pointed in MatthewV's direction. They ran MatthewV over.

Gilbster was now within two feet of Shadowtje and wordcross. "Hey, why does wordcross look so unconscious?" Gilbster asked.

"That's because. . . he is," Shadowtje said solemnly. "Suddenly, a rifle came flying from out of nowhere and hit wordcross in the face."

"Aw, darn it!" Gilbster shouted. "I meant to hit him in the GUT with that rifle! My aim was terribly off!" Gilbster grabbed her gun from the ground. "May I run back over there and throw the gun again?" she asked.

"Why don't you just stay here and kill him at point blank range?" Shadowtje asked.

"Too easy."

"Let me make it even easier!" shouted Luke Runner, who had sneaked up on them while the conscious duo was talking. He pulled the trigger on his pistol, and a large purple mass flew out and hit wordcross's body. He inflated to an enormous size, and then drifted up towards the sky like a helium balloon. As he approached the RAF-iverse's equivalent of the sun, he began to melt. Shadowtje, Gilbster, and Luke Runner all pulled out umbrellas to shelter themselves from wordcross's melty drippiness, and then ran away.

"Ha! That ought to teach you a lesson, dead MatthewV!" Virax laughed at the dead body in front of him. He turned around, and found himself face to face with Nekro Neko, who was pointing a gun at him. "Your life ends right here!" Nekro Neko exclaimed. He placed his gun with its barrel on the ground, aimed, and pulled the trigger. An unreasonably long rail of metal came zooming out of the gun to one side of Virax. Nekro Neko repeated the process to generate another rail of metal parallel to the previous one on Virax's other side. "Goodbye, Virax," he said.

"Huh?" Virax was confused. Suddenly, he heard a loud wail behind him. Turning around, he saw that a train was riding on the tracks towards him at breakneck speed! The number on the train started at 5000, and then decreased rapidly as it approached the end of the line. Virax was so busy being stunned that a train could possibly be on the tracks so soon, that he kinda forgot the number three rule about when a train is heading towards you, which is MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. LIKE, RIGHT NOW. SERIOUSLY. Nekro Neko almost forgot that rule, too, but he managed to recall it at the last millisecond, and barely survived.

As Luke Runner ran with his umbrella, he passed by theopholis. "Run, Luke, run!" theopholis shouted. Luke Runner continued running on by. "Darn," theopholis says. "I need to get better at this yelling at people to kill them thing."

Luke Runner eventually got tired of running, so he stopped under a shade tree and pulled out a chocolate granola bar from his bag of chocolate granola bars. Norman Rorqual happened to notice him. "Hey, Luke!" Norman Rorqual said. "Whatcha eatin'?"

"It's a chocolate granola bar!" Luke Runner said. "It's a major staple of my diet! Without these things, I'd die!" He patted his bag of chocolate granola bars with his hand.

"Oh. I see," Norman Rorqual said. Then he zapped Luke Runner's bag of chocolate granola bars with a laser and destroyed them. "GWA HA HA!" he shouted. "SAY YOUR PRAYERS, GUY I TARGETED THIS ROUND!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luke Runner screamed as he ran off of a nearby cliff and killed himself.

AZu targets SELF with the Death Star.
Neoguy targets AZu with a spam cannon.
buhubs targets Neoguy with an AIM gun that shoots out smileys.
raekuul targets buhubs with a bad message.
MatthewV targets Neoguy by putting a chess knight you-know-where (up his nose).
Virax targets MatthewV with a lemon-fueled rocket-propelled toaster strudel of pain and destruction.
Nekro Neko targets Virax with a railgun.
homestardude7777 targets AZu with a real pea shooter.
Shadowtje targets homestardude7777 with lethal needles.
wordcross targets homestardude7777 with clay mortars.
Gilbster targets wordcross with a rifle.
Luke Runner targets wordcross: "my gun will look like a regular pistol, but it shoots purple goo, and when u hit by it...u get a reall good feeling, like u can fly, then u melt".
theopholis targets Luke Runner by shouting, "Run Luke, run!"
Norman Rorqual targets Luke Runner with a staple remover.
Neoguy, buhubs, MatthewV, Virax, homestardude7777, wordcross, and Luke Runner dead.

REMAINING PLAYERS:
HipHoppityFrogOfValue from the HRWiki forum
Homerun Starrer from the HRWiki forum
Norman Rorqual from the HRWiki forum
SEAN'D! from the HRWiki forum
akdrizzt from the Cyberscore forum
Gilbster from the Cyberscore forum
Nekro Neko from the Cyberscore forum
Nielske from the Cyberscore forum
Shadowtje from the Cyberscore forum
TheBrain from the Cyberscore forum
AZu from the Grey Labyrinth forum
HyToFry from the Grey Labyrinth forum
mudbuck from the Grey Labyrinth forum
Poker from the Grey Labyrinth forum
raekuul from the Grey Labyrinth forum
The Cheshire Man from the Grey Labyrinth forum
theopholis from the Grey Labyrinth forum

ROUND ONE IS OVER. ROUND TWO IS NOW. SEND FOR ROUND TWO.

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It's finally over! Well, Round 1, at least.

Wish I had lived.

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....yay! That was great.

I PM'd you.

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