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| STUPID COMMAND II: The Death Factor! http://forum.hrwiki.org/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=10677 |
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| Author: | sbe-mail 22 [ Fri Nov 10, 2006 7:20 pm ] |
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at who? run:ISUMMONTROGDOR!!!.exe |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 7:55 pm ] |
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You throw the little red and white ball on the ground and yell, "TROGDOR-CHU, I CHOOSE YOU!" The Burninator materializes from the ball and burninates all your enemies, including that annoying little yellow hamster. Then he eats you for a light afternoon snack. You get TROGDOR CHEW'D! Type: NAH NAH! NA-NAH NAAH! HEY HEY! DOO DOOT DOO! |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:27 pm ] |
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A commercial for a detergant pen comes up and cleans a stain that's been on your favorite T-shirt for the past year. Command: Kick Somm-1 |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 4:07 pm ] |
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(Funny. I figured that those nonsense lyrics would magically produce food out of nowhere to Feed The Childrens). You give Somm a swift kick in the rear. *PLINK!* Now your foot hurts. Type: Throw cat off hot tin roof. |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 4:14 pm ] |
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The cat lands on an old ladies head, thereby causing a serious injury and you go to prison. Game Over! Type: Go hunt a turkey |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Sat Jan 06, 2007 11:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Stupid Command 3: This time it's not those other times! |
You find a turkey, but you can't shoot it. No, I don't mean you're one of those tree-hugger types, I mean you didn't bring a gun and literally cannot shoot it. Too bad. Without a gun, the turkey do not fear you. They swarm you like those chickens on the SNES Zelda game. They peck you to death. It's a fairly gruesome and painful way to die. Sorry. Command: Tie Did's shoes together. |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 12:04 am ] |
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DROIDEKA: You hunt a turkey. Unfortunately, the turkey's name is StrongRad, and he doesn't appreciate getting shot in the rear end. "OW THAT SMARTS!" he says, before breaking your musket over your pilgrim-hatted head. SIMULPOST'D!! StrongRad: You tie Didymus' shoes together. Unfortunately for you, you accidentally tied them to your own shoes in the process. As you try to slink away without getting caught, you trip over and alert him to your presence. He promptly falls on you, knocking the wind out of you. Type: Pour Hitler on Interruptor Jones' birthday cereal. |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 1:48 am ] |
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The cereal comes alive like those little dinosaur-hatching egg cereal they used to have, and turns into a bunch of German Stormtroopers. The Stormtroopers take your neighborhood captive and hid all your remotes. Command: Give Sommy a can of oil. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:26 am ] |
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You give Sommy a can of oil from the local auto parts store. Unfortunately, he's 10W-30 intolerant. His arms begin flailing wildly and he shoots sparks all over the place. Eventually he explodes and, since you weren't smart enough to try to find some cover, you get an arm to the head. Well, it's not really so much "to the head" as it is "through the head". Command: Pipeline! |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 4:26 am ] |
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You don your red overalls and red hat with the "M" on it. IJ puts on his green ones. You climb into the pipeline, hoping to magically warp to a new world, with turtles and talking mushrooms, but it turns out to be a regular pipeline. With oil in it. 10W30'D!! Type: Ponder what he is pondering. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 9:06 pm ] |
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Unfortunately, "he" is funkstar. You don't die, but you catch a definite case of the jibblies. YOU DIDN'T DIE! As you're celebrating this, your shoes explode. It hurts pretty bad, but you're not really harmed. YOU DIDN'T DIE!! You figure you got off pretty lucky again, so you don't celebrate. Unfortunately, the new "you must celebrate every time you don't die" law has come into effect with a penalty of catapult. You're arrested and placed on a catapult. The catapult guy over-estimates your weight by several thousand tons. You get fired into the sun. You dead. Command: Eat more than 2 flavors of pudding. |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 11:42 pm ] |
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Due to the lack of different flavors at the store, you have to by some of that dreadful strawberry syrup to make a third flavor. After doing this you discover that the strawberry syrup you bought was meant for a KGB spy and was full of radiation. This was linked to Putin. You suffer in the hospital for about three weeks, and then you explode. COMMAND: Make yourself a cake. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 12:08 am ] |
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You try to make a cake, but an overly hyper children's TV star with pink hair runs in, starts singing, then slams your head in the oven door about 10 or 20 times. While you lay there unconscious, she sets your house on fire. You dead. Command: umm, hamburger.. |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 1:23 am ] |
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A big fat guy comes up and offers to pay you next Tuesday. Type: Spray Yaoi-B-Gone. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 3:49 am ] |
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All sorts of creepiness scatters in all directions. Unfortunately, the spray is highly flammable, and uncle Earl just had to light that cigar.. BLASTED INTO ORBIT'D! Command: Go to Ruby Falls. |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 8:42 pm ] |
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You go to Ruby Falls, unfortunately, it's in the middle of nowhere and you just ran out of gas. Command: Shoot your foot. |
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| Author: | King of Katamari [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 9:26 pm ] |
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Okay, but this might sting a little! *bang* I'm now charging towards you with what looks like a big knife. Command: Kill off Rumble Red. |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:29 am ] |
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You point your wand at Rumble Red and yell, "AVEDA KEDAVRA!" His last words were, "But we don't have phoenix feather wands on MY planet...rumble!" But as the smoke from his carcass is just beginning to clear up, you see movement from his chest. In a shower of purple blood and gore, out pops a creature even more foul and hideous: NEBULON!! And his style is even WORSE than EVER!! Type: Use Cobrapult on Clown. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:31 am ] |
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Silly adventurer, cobrapults are for cobras. Command: Run those through a siren. |
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| Author: | Beyond the Grave [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:11 pm ] |
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AHH! Loud, poisonous snakes! COMMAND: Ask Kari Byron out on a date. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:19 pm ] |
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She says "ok, you go on the list with the other 500000 other people who've asked me that." Then, she kicks you in the junk and maces your face. Command: Make a PSA about packs of wild dogs roaming America's cities. |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:59 pm ] |
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You make a Prostate Specific Antigen for the packs of wild dogs roaming America. Great. Now the dogs have prostate cancer. Ninti is very angry with you and kicks you in the junk. Several times. One for each dog. (sorry, but that's what I came up with when I Googled PSA) Type: Put Horse Grease in Skeletor's Febreze bottle when he's not looking. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:07 pm ] |
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Dude, I don't know if you've noticed, but Febreeze can eliminate anything, including horse grease. You just wasted your horse grease. Just then, the "if you don't have horse grease, you die" law comes into effect. If you don't have horse grease, you die, and you don't have horse grease. I'll let you figure out what happens. Command: Watch out for the angry midget. |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:15 pm ] |
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The midget mumbles something about pointy-eared woodland princes being total pansies, chugs a huge mug of ale, and wipes his mouth with his beard. He still has not seen you, and that's a good thing! All those axes he's carrying look really heavy, and sharp. Type: Churn milk. |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:36 am ] |
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The milk explodes, as you used the wrong method to churn it, and now your entire house smells like milk. Command: Shoot John Kerry with a Paintball gun. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:25 am ] |
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He wipes the paint away then votes for feeding you to Trodgor before he votes against it. Command: Send Trogdor hunting with Dick Cheney, then get Ted Kennedy to give him a ride home. |
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| Author: | Didymus [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:24 am ] |
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Trogdor gets shot several times and then drowns in the river. Now Cheney and Kennedy get all the credit for killing Trogdor, and you get none. Oh, yeah, and Ted hits you with his car before it goes off the bridge. Type: Get those crazy sharks offa that crazy tractor. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:54 pm ] |
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As you're removing the sharks, Mikhail Gorbachev runs by singing about turnips and buttocks or something like that. Then, the sharks eat you or something. I don't know. You just die somehow. Command: Invent airplane, then invent smart bomb. Use airplane to drop smart bomb on the King. |
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| Author: | Droideka [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:00 pm ] |
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You invent an airplane. You invent a Smart Bomb. You drop the Smart Bomb on Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris shoots down your plane, and you die. Command: Jump up and down, and rejoice. |
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| Author: | StrongRad [ Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:19 am ] |
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Look, Bub. Your cottage has been burninated, and the king has told you that you're pretty much out of luck. FEMA is tied up on the Gulf Coast (believe it or not, they finally got there*), and you decided you were too good for fire insurance. You have no reason to rejoice. Also, you now know that "inflammable roof" means the same as "flammable roof". Command: prune candy. *yes, I know, FEMA was on the coast the day Katrina hit, regardless of what we saw on TV.. |
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