Homestar Runner Wiki Forum

When do you think it's the right moment to have children?

Do you think a couple should be married first before having children? Or not at all.

Like my last topic, I'm not going to give my opinion just suddenly. I'd like to read some of you comments first.

And as I've stated before, this is immensly important to me.

Bearing and raising children is quite possibly the highest responsibility anyone can have in this world. You really have to feel ready--know that you're ready--through and through. It will be a lot of work, but it certainly has its rewards. Perhaps the most work you'll ever spend on one thing...but then again, perhaps the greatest rewards you will ever receive as well.

And you need to know who you're going to be having children with. Who will be the biological parents, and will those same people be raising the child as well? The people raising the child is crucial, IMO, because we all know what can come from parents who aren't qualified (for lack of a better term) to raise children.

Sorry if this is broad and vague--I don't have much experience in the subject myself since I don't have any kids of my own, nor do I plan to any time soon.

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The meaning of life is 'bucket.'

FOR PONY!!!

My first rule: Don't have a kid until you feel ready.

My second rule: Make sure you can financially support a child (diapers, food, the hospital bills, etc.)

I also feel it's important to have at least one parent at home to raise the kid.

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This is a tough one.

The right time really depends on the parents-to-be. Only they can determine when it's the right time. I'd suggest being emotionally and financially stable. Emotionally, you'll have to be ready, because you will no longer be the center of your world. You will have a new human being to take care of. You also have to be certain that this is the lifestyle you want. You'll no longer get to go out and party every night. You have to be sure that you want to forfeit all that just to raise your child.

So, there's no real set time when it's right to have a child. It all depends on the parents' feelings, and whether they have the means to take care of the child.

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Notice: I made a tiny edit in my topic.

I've asked an extra question: Do you think parents should be married before having children?

If two people don't like the idea of marriage, but have a close bond that is as strong as marriage then they would be fully capable of raising children granted they have the right finacial set-up.
I don't think people should have children ntill they are atleast 30. It really all depends on each individual though.

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TIRES TIRES TIRES

If they are over 21, have a steady job, good health, and married, depending on the couple's beliefs, then whenever they are ready is a good time.

I was born just before my parents were married. The only time I ever cried as a baby was at their wedding. It was an omen.

I believe in abstinence until marriage. Not because of my religion. Just because it seems like a responsible and ethical thing to do. Yeah, I'm kinda disappointed in my parents, but it's not a big deal, really.

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In other threads, I have stated that I believe that people should wait until they are physically, emotionally, and spiritually mature enough to handle the consequences of sexual behavior. And that age may be different for different people, but it's also why our nation's laws have the age of consent at 18. I do believe that, since children really need all the support they can get, both financially, emotionally, and other ways - well, let's just face it, kids need both parents. So I would say that marriage is a huge factor in readiness.

That being said, however, I do recognize that people often make mistakes. Let's face it: life is full of difficult choices, and it's far too easy to make the wrong ones. In those cases, they should do whatever is within their power to care for their children, even if they must do so without the support of the other parent.

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In my ideal world, sex before marriage is fine.
Children before marriage makes life difficult. Like, what if you or your partner became pregnant, but hadn't been together long and weren't intending on getting married?
I do believe that you should be married before you have children. That's what I would like to happen with my life.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always turn out the way you plan, so things may not happen in the order you want them to.
It's all up to the individual really.

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Well, seeing as marriage isn't really my thing, I think having a child shouldn't have anything to do with marriage. I do think if you are ready to raise a kid, you need to be financially prepared, and preferably have a parter, who you love and trust. Raising a kid by yourself sounds hard.
I think you ought to be around thirty or older, just so you are mature enough to handle it and everything. And... you ought to like kids, too.

And I hope that covered it.

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NOT A SIGNATURE!

What I've noticed is that a lot of the people on this forum are far too young to even think about having children in the first place.

For one, don't even think about it until you are financially and emotionally ready, and that you are with someone who you trust (that goes for you and your partner). A child is a huge expense.

For one, think about how much you cost your parents (if this applies to you), with your iPod and your x-box and such. Pretty soon ,it's going to be a car and other things. You have to be ready financially. If you aren't ready in that facet, don't even consider it, even if you are emotionally ready. Especially in the merciless captialist system.

Another thing is, when in regard to your emotions, don't have a child unless you are sure you wish to be with this person. And even if you divorce, make sure they are willing to make just as much a sacrifice as you are for the child. I've seen far too many situations where one person is left to take care of the child themselves while the other parent runs off (and this does not pertain to any gender or partner specification, it happens on all fronts.)

All I am saying is, be responsible.

Sex before marriage... marriage is mostly for tax purposes in this day and age anyways. A bond of mind, body and soul, the true meaning of marriage, has been lost due to the bourgeois system we have. That is why, when I plan to marry, that I insist on a spiritual marriage outside of the state's juristiction.

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Except for the anti-capitalism stuff, I pretty much agree with Pallor. State sanctioned marriage seems to be a load anyway. If two people love each other, they love each other. It doesn't matter what some old guy sitting in some government building says. (I can't speak of other religions/non-religious people, but to Christians, I'm pretty sure marriage is between you, the person you love, and God).
But, to toastpaint, as for when to have a kid, I'm pretty much in line with everyone here. You need to be stable in your own life (job, housing, transportation, etc) before you should even begin to think about bringing a new life into this world. You had also be ready to give up the things you love. I don't mean this to say "Your life is over when you have a kid", but you should be prepared to make major changes (you shouldn't be hitting the clubs every night, partying all the time, etc).

Granted, there are stomach butterflies when it comes to whether or not one is ready for a child, and those are normal, but if there's anything more than that, I suggest heeding the words of an old professor (and retired flight instructor): "If there's any doubt about what to do, there's no doubt what to do!". That holds here. If you think you're not ready for a kid, you probably aren't.

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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

ooor..We can all go with the Darwin Awards idea and not let stupid people re-produce!

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TIRES TIRES TIRES

i agree with gidley and most other people: trust, financial stability, parental presence. more than anything kids need love and attention (and healthcare...) so i think that is vital.

marriage... not necessary in my eyes. i know that isn't terribly popular to say, but why should a document issued by a justice of the peace or a priest or whatnot have any bearing on how attentive, responsible and patient parents are? i'm sure stupid irresponsible people get married all of the time, and i'm sure deeply responsible people stay together for years but simply do not marry (and of course vice-versa). i personally plan to marry, but i do not hold it against those who choose to not marry and have a child (and i hold everyone to the same standard of responsibility).

I think marriage is important. For one thing, I do not believe that it is MERELY a piece of paper, but rather a sacred union between man and woman. "And the two shall become one flesh." And this sacred union is essential to the process by which two parents conceive and produce children.

And, as stated above, I am convinced that children need the financial and emotional support that comes from having both parents in their lives.

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Although, I would prefer that two people be married before they have children, my sister was not conceived during marriage. I think that my parents were probably married because of my sister.

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*pops in briefly before disappearing again*

Ahh, this subject always reminds me of the Philip Larkin poem "This Be The Verse" (WARNING: language). There's a grain of truth in the last verse, especially.

Me, I think parenthood should be a privilege, not a right. It's the most important thing you could ever do - you're taking responsibilty for the moulding of a brand new human being. What you do and what you teach them in their early life can affect them forever - fact.

And though pretty much everyone thinks that they'd make great parents, the fact is that there are too many who are mentally and emotionally incapable of it. And these people end up having children for all the wrong (i.e. selfish) reasons.

I'm thinking of one person I know in particular - a confirmed bachelor (and a complete mess) until the age of forty, he nows finds himself with a fiancee, a new-born baby, and a 14-year-old stepson. He's finding out that parenthood is more than coocheecooing and living through his child - and I do think the cracks are beginning to show.

In a word: if you can't sort out your own life, don't go creating a new one for you to screw up.

*disappears, stilling waiting on delivery van.... grr*

I totally agree.

But, the thing is, you have to remember something. Marriage is not necessary, unless you believe it is. Sure, that is what culture has imposed into our collective psyche, but if two people believe they should have a child and love eachother and are in a stable relationship, a piece of paper shouldn't stop them from having children. But, the parameters I spoke of should be met (financial, emotional, etc..), of course. Marriage is but a word, love is what truly is at the heart of it.

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I did not say necessary, but important. When you get right down to it, the only thing necessary to be a parent is biology. Of course, that wouldn't necessarily make a good parent.

But I would challenge you: if love is so important, then why not make a commitment to it and make it legally binding? Why not go ahead and make that lifetime commitment? Think about it: "I love you, honey, but not enough to actually commit to spending my life with you."

And I don't think you're assessment that it is "merely a word" is adequate, because that word carries with it a host of both legal and spiritual ramifications. In other words, you would have an extremely difficult time proving that it is only a word and has no real meaning. Love may be the root, but marriage is what makes that love binding.

Let me clarify what I'm saying: people do make mistakes. If a woman ended up pregnant with a guy she really wasn't committed to, I wouldn't suggest she marry him just for the sake of the child. I would suggest she do whatever she can within her power to care for that child to the best of her ability. What I'm saying is, why go through that headache? Why not just wait until you find someone you can make that sort of commitment with?

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No. They don't have to be married.

My parents were never married. They were not married when they had me. They are not married now. We all live in the same house. They share income and mortgages. We are a complete, whole family.


Because it's not necessary, for the reasons I just said. Now I don't know why my parents refrained from getting married, but it makes no difference in our lives. And I DARE you to say it's because my parents don't love each other enough to commit their lives to each other. I DARE YOU.

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I wouldn't say such a thing. In fact, I think what you are describing might in some places be considered a common law marriage. But I do wonder what exactly stops them from making that a legal bond, or why they haven't yet sanctified their bond through marriage. The commitment is obviously, there, I just don't understand why they wouldn't just finalize it.

But here's what I see: I see that God has given us a beautiful institution whereby a man and a woman are bonded together physically, emotionally, and spiritually; they are made to complete each other in this ultimate act of human self-giving (Ephesians 5). I also see that some people at times has taken that beautiful institution, abused it, perverted it for their evil purposes, and turned it into something ugly, and other people, seeing the ugly thing it is made to be, rejecting it completely. What I want is for people to see this thing for what it truly is, to reclaim it, to polish it up and let it be what it was intended to be.

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Gah, every time I think about posting on one of these things, Didymus goes ahead and says everything I wanted to say...

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You know what they say, "Great minds think alike."

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I actually think you missed the point. You can have a life partnership with someone without going through the marriage process. The idea of marriage is strictly social. You can spend your whole life with someone without marrying them. Plus, with the way most of society looks at marriage, it actually almost seems pointless. But, I digress yet again.

Plus, you don't have to have it be legally binding to have it be genuine. If you love someone enough, you don't have to get married. Marriage, in the way that many view it, is merely a social construct.



Love doesn't always mean having to get married. You can love someone in that way and still be with them for the rest of your life without getting married. I've known people that have been together exclusively for years (10+) without getting married.

Now that you think about it, people not getting married would cut into your paycheck.



Well, you can be committed to someone without being married. Just because a couple isn't married does not mean that they are not committed to eachother as a married couple would be. It is their choice.
The idea of marriage has been so ingrained into the social consciousness that it seems that it is the only option for expressing ones love for another and desire to be with them until the end. But, no, it isn't. We have free will.

In the course of child rearing, if both are still together, marriage doesn't matter. Most don't these days anyways.

Being a romantic at heart, I will get married. But not by the conventions that christianized culture has imposed. Nor do I think I will have it be a marriage sanctioned by the state. I don't feel obligated to have it sanctioned by the state. You don't need a tax form to show how much you love someone. Bureaucracy is no way to express love.

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But I would ask you the same question I would pose to Ace's parents: if your commitment is of this kind, then why wouldn't you just go ahead and make it an honest-to-goodness marriage?


If you are implying that my support of marriage is purely financial, I'll have you know that weddings actually constitute less than 1% of my yearly income. And considering the counseling, preparation, and the actual work I am expected to put into a wedding, economically speaking, they aren't worth it. No. The reason I conduct weddings at all is out of pastoral concern for the couples I marry, and out of my commitment to supporting this sacred institution.


But again, if the commitment is really there, then why not seal it in marriage? It sounds almost like saying, "I'm committed, but I don't want to be fully committed." I'm still not impressed.


So you don't think it's important to make sure that, if something happens to you, that your loved one is taken care of, and doesn't have to go through a legal rigamarole to keep the things you shared together? Maybe it's not entirely legally necessary, but it certainly makes things much less difficult.

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Well, if they dont' want to, they don't have to. If they love eachother just the same, they don't need to go through what is considered honest-to-goodness to someone else. If their relationship is honest-to-goodness in their own eyes, let it be. Plus, if they aren't christian, then they don't need to get it done. What is the point of you don't believe in it?



Marriage does not constitute a commitment. People get married for citizenship. Is that much of a commitment? I'd say not. I say that a couple that is not married can be as committed as one that is. What if the first couple believes the idea of marriage is an outdated fallacy that is doomed for failure and that if they fail, they don't want to be deemed a statistic? As I have said, marriage is a social construct that is not absolutely necessary, but if it makes people happy, then they should.

Getting married does not constitute a full committment. It just means that when you separate, you will have to pay court costs if you go the legal route. But, if someone wants to get married it makes them feel fulfilled, they should. Anyone should have the right to do what makes them feel fulfilled. Not every couple needs to be married to do so.

Also, you can have the inheritor in a will be someone you aren't married to. You can bequeath your estate and finances to your loved one without marriage.

Did I say I was against it? Absolutely not. I'm just saying that it doesn't have to happen.

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One of those ways in which people take something grand and beautiful and abuse it to their own advantage. Does not address the actual purpose of marriage whatsoever.


I'd say that such a couple is simply making excuses for a failure they see as inevitable, and therefore are not thoroughly committed.


Yet another example of how human beings mess it up. Believe me, I know. My parents divorced when I was 12, and it wasn't pleasant for any of us.

I am not convinced that marriage is entirely a social construct. As Mortimer J. Adler pointed out in Ten Philosophical Mistakes, society could not exist without the most basic social unit, the family. Societies cannot create the concept of family, because families are necessary for societies to even exist.


True, but you still have to go through the legal procedures to do it.

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That is true, but people still do it.



Ok, not the best example in the world. But still, the definition of thorough commitment can be vary with people. Some people's belief structures don't see marraige as necessary. It all depends on culture as well.

As for me, I wish to get married. But, I don't want to live the white picket fence life. That is my idea of Hell.

But my biggest idea here is that marriage is a choice. It isn't necessary for some people. But, for those who want it, it can be the best thing in the world.

I'm just saying that it's no ones place to say whether or not marriage is a necessary step. Love doesn't need to be indoctrinated.

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I don't know either, but I respect their choice, no matter what the reasons are, and I don't bug them about it.

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