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Okay. Basically, I don't feel comfortable in my current situation. My parents want me to get confirmed. But I have several problems with that idea.

I don't want to make a commitment that I'm not going to want to keep. If I renew my baptisimal promises at confirmation, I feel that I'm obligated to the church. I've never felt comfortable at the church, or with the priest, or with anything religion related. I've always just wanted to believe what I believe and be done with it.

My views conflict with the churches views. I don't want to have to come to a church every Sunday already feeling uncomfortable, and have to listen to the priest's lessons which I don't particularly believe in.

Also, I have a real problem with Reconciliation. I believe in God, and I can confess my sins to him through prayer without much grief, but I've never been able to confess to a priest. He just seems too human, I guess. I've never been able to talk to a priest, let alone any other adult in this world.

But I feel an obligation to my parents. They've loved me, cared for me, nurtured me and been my family for all these years. Now they ask for me to get confirmed, but I'm not sure that's what I believe I should do. I'm almost ready to just go through with it to please my parents, but then the whole "Commitment I can't keep" thing comes up in my mind again, and I'm right back where I started.

I still have a choice in this matter, and your input to my situation could help me make the right one. HELP PLZ!

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Sister, now that we're grieving
Our fingers will falter
Our lungs will be leaking
All over each other and without even speaking
We'll know that it's over and smile and go greeting
Whatever comes next

My advice is to stick with what YOU feel. No one has the right to press their religious views on anyone else--not even one's own parents. I understand that they are doing what they think is the best thing for you, from their point of view...but have you ever really sat down and explained to them what your own views and feelings are on religion? From the sounds of it, they don't even realize that you've been having different opinions.

Yes, your parents have loved and nurtured you and cared for you and whatnot, but does that mean you're obligated to bend to every whim of theirs? I follow a different theological belief than my parents, yet they and I are still on good terms and they still support and love me. The relationship and care between a parent and child should not hinge entirely on a single factor such as religious beliefs. You can still live your life loving your parents and them loving you back even if you disagree on religious issues.

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The meaning of life is 'bucket.'

FOR PONY!!!

It sounds to me like you're a Catholic. Is that correct?

If that's the case, I'd say, from what I've just read, your views seem very similar to the common protestant beliefs - and you've also expressed one of the things I don't like about the Catholic views. I agree, confessing your sins and asking for forgiveness is something that should stay between you and God. Once He forgives you, you're washed clean in His eyes. There should be no need for you to go through a priest to become clean if God has already made you so. I think it's very important to focus more on the relationship with God than the methodology and such of the church, and finding that relationship is not something that your parents or any priest can do, no matter how much confirmation you go through.

On the other hand, I don't want to discourage you from honoring your parents or from getting confirmed. In my opinion, and in the Methodist Churches, confirmation is not an obligation to one specific church. It is, as we say in the Methodist Church, "an outward sign of an inward commitment." It's a way to profess publicly that you have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. The commitment is not to the individual church, but to God. Just as with baptism, confirmation carries a great deal of symbolism.

I know that some protestant churches don't accept baptisms from other denominations, but there are denominations that do - again, the Methodist Church is among these, though it's not the only one. If you get confirmed and later decide to move to a protestant church, these churches will still accept your confirmation in your current church. As I said, confirmation is an outward sign of a commitment to God, not to the individual church, and that commitment does not change when you move to a different church.

My advice would be that you don't listen to any advice anyone here gives you as to which choice to make. Confirmation is a personal choice, and only you and God should be involved in that choice. What I think you should do is to spend a lot of time praying about it, and ask God what the best path is for you. There really isn't a wrong choice in this case. The outward sign isn't the important part of confirmation, the inward commitment is. If you are willing to make that commitment to God and to yourself - and I must continue to stress that it is not to the individual church - then make it.

If, after you pray about it, you truly feel that being confirmed into your current church is something you don't want to go through with, you can still make the commitment inwardly without the big procedures. Usually, during confirmation, you are taught things about the Bible that you may not have known before, and, in this respect, I think that it would be benefitial for you to go through the process, and to use that process to help you make your decision. If, during the process, you are convinced that you shouldn't go through with it yet, then there is no shame in dropping out - the personal relationship is most important, and, if your relationship isn't to the place where you're ready for confirmation, or you sincerely feel that your church is the wrong place to get confirmed, then resolving that is more important than being officially confirmed.

I'm sorry, I'm probably confusing you more than I'm helping you. The most important thing here is that you do what's right for you, and that is between you and God. Pray about it, and He will show you the right path to take.

I hope I've been at least a little bit helpful to you.

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I don't really know how it works in Roman Catholicism, but for us Lutherans, Confirmation incluldes an oath before God and his church to follow the teachings and practices of our faith. If you are not comfortable doing that, then it may be best not make that oath.

On the other hand, if there's a catechism class involved before the decision, then you might want to go through that catechism class. At the very least, you can learn more about what you're getting into.

As for confession/absolution, I have discussed elsewhere the benefits of such a practice. In 1 John 1:8-9, God gives us a specific promise that if we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just forgives them and cleanses us. This, in my view, is not a once-in-a-lifetime conversion experience, but a lifelong process of reclaiming our baptismal covenant with God when we fail or falter. Now do you need a priest to do that? Not necessarily, but for some people, it helps to get their pastor or priest involved for encouragement, counseling, and advice. Think of it like this: it's not so much airing your dirty laundry to some guy in a collar, but rather getting much needed help from someone who quite probably understands your problem, and can help you overcome it. Of course, I do recommend finding a priest or a pastor that you feel comfortable discussing these issues with, and that can be tough.


That might not be as easy as you make it sound, Dozer. Some churches require that confirmands swear fealty to their particular denomination. If such an oath is required of NT, then it might not be so easy to distinguish the outward sign from the inward commitment.

But in the end, only you, NT, can make that difficult choice. It sounds to me like you're not comfortable with it, and that being the case, I would encourage you not to do it. While I most certainly would prefer to see you confirmed in the Christian faith myself, I don't think you should be pressured into it. Either choice you make is going to be difficult. If you decide not to, then there will be conflict with your family and your church. But if you decide to do it for their sake, you will be facing conflict within yourself, and that's never a good thing.

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NT, it's all up to you.

I'll just say one thing, though. If you get Confirmed now, you're going to be a part of the Church and the obligation you feel will be huge. If you don't get Confirmed, you will have time to reasess your beliefs, and should you feel comfortable, you can always get Confirmed later.

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What I forgot to say: the confirmation date is in 11th grade. I'm worried now because I don't want to commit to this and not follow through. I have 30 hours of community service and a few years of classes before I'm confirmed.

_________________
Sister, now that we're grieving
Our fingers will falter
Our lungs will be leaking
All over each other and without even speaking
We'll know that it's over and smile and go greeting
Whatever comes next

Have you thought about talking with someone about this, like your pastor or your parents? Maybe you should so you can weigh out your options a bit more thoroughly.

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