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K, here it is! Before you say it, I know it's long. It's a good read, though, so I reccomend reading the whole thing! And I have a little surprise after this posts...
"When Good Games Go Bad" by Jimmie Johnson
It's a time when all of our favorite game characters are coming to an end, and working here as a clerk for GameStop has been torture, pure torture. It's like I watch someone enter, in high hopes for a sale, only to see them walk right out or yell in my face. I expected last week to be like all others, but I was wrong. It was worse. No, I wasn't fired. No, the shop didn't go out of business. And no, an old angry woman didn't threaten to shoot me. It's a long story, but I'm bored, so do you want to here it? Why won't you answer?! Okay, fine, I'll tell you anyway! Ha!
It all started when I was at work. A large delivery truck sped over and screeched to a stop, right in front of our store. Out stepped a young man carrying a large box. He wore a black skull-cap (worn backwards), a navy jacket, a black Metroid shirt, and baggy pants. He also had a small goatee. After slowly and dramatically opening the door, he slipped inside, pulled out a handheld game system, put the box in front of me and said, "Hey, Jeff! How ya doing? I brought some more game demos."
"Um, hi Tim. Not too good. Thanks. I doubt they'll be used, though." I replied.
"I'll play 'em!"
"I meant the customers. Sales have dropped. I wish you never tricked me into getting this job. You know I'm not a gamer!"
Tim rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
I then started to deliver some long, forceful speech that I can't remember. But I can remember this: In the middle of my speech, Tim began to play a game on his handheld, and was completely unaware of his surroundings. It's like he was in the game! That is, until I woke him up.
"Tim, are you even listening?!"
He looked back at me. "Yeah, whatever. But didn't I tell you that we would get to see each other on our jobs like this? I was right! Would we able to do that if you were a sports star? NO!"
"True but...."
"Yeah, that's cool. See ya!"
He returned to the truck, turned on some loud rock music, and raced off.
Well, after that not-so-great incident, I opened the box and slowly loaded the games into the machines. All the games were like the others: boring, lame, and repetitive. It seemed as if the developers were running out of ideas. The good ones, at least.
My short, fat, bald-headed, goatee-and-side-burned, greedy boss called me into his office. Like I said, I wasn't fired and the shop didn't go out of business. That surprised me. What he told me was actually very stupid. The "meeting" went something like this: I walked into his office, took a seat, and glanced at his nameplate. "Mr. Buxx, you called me?" said the dude named Jeff.
"That's Boss E. Buxx. And yes, I did," he replied.
"Um, what did you call me for?"
"Ah, yes, I wanted to tell you about our new advertising campaign!"
"Ugh, not AGAIN. I doubt it'll work, but let me at it."
He frowned at me. "We're putting up advertisements for games that don't exist. Everyone will crowd in when they see them."
Shocked, I gasped, "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's just not...right."
"But we'll get money! I think...probably!" He handed me some giant rolls of ad posters and gleefully shouted, "Here, post these on the walls outside while I count my precious money!"
Sighing, I walked outside and followed orders, wondering when Buxx would stop counting, so I could stop posting.
When I finished, I thought, "Hey, maybe if I just stand here until he's finished, I won't get in trouble." And when the strange, ever-money-counting freak also finished, it was only minutes until a customer walked in, wearing a helplessly excited face.
From his stupid smile yelled, "You have 'Dora: Shooter Smack-down'? AWESOME!!!" He stepped to towards the game demos. Not wanting to see the game, I decided it would be best for me to wait outside.
As soon as this kid put his hands around the controller, there was a loud "BOOM!" and chaos filled the shop known to everyone as "FunPause." When I turned around, the boy was knocked unconscious. But that wasn't why I almost copied him. I could see real video game characters, as little as I knew them, in the real world. Mario and Luigi were pelting the cash registers contents with fireballs, Link was chopping up the displayed games with his sword, Sonic created a tornado by running in circles, and Solid Snake was shooting the windows out, and that was only behind the counter! Utter chaos.
I ran down the side-walk, with a stunned face, and just in time, a delivery truck pulled over, and I hitched a ride with the mysterious 25-year-old gamer that would soon be revealed to me.
"How did you know to pick me up?!" I inquired in astonishment.
"No time to explain." was my reply.
Shifted into high gear, the truck reached our destination in minutes: his house.
Tim dragged me inside. When we entered, he moved a bookcase away from a wall near the doorway. He pressed a hidden area on that wall, which was apparently a disguised button, and a whole section of it lifted up, revealing the entrance to a strange, high-tech room. We rushed into it, me still being dragged.
I looked around, with widened eyes, in amazement. Not only was this because of this high-tech room's high-techness, but also because of a form of Tim I had never seen or met before. I never thought he had this much of a brain....if he had one at all!
After the long period of gazing, took a breathe and calmly spoke, "Well, Tim, it's explaining time."
"Okay, I took you here so we could solve the problem you, I, and perhaps others know of. There is only one way I know of to solve this problem: I'm going into the game world, and you're controlling me. Keep this a secret; what I'm about to show you must remain unknown." he replied.
"Go to the game world?! That's crazy and impossible! How are you going to do that?!"
"I'm glad you asked."
Tim raced over to another wall, pressed another button. The wall spun around and revealed a pile of highly-secured metal cases. He began to unlock them.
They hid a universal game system, a plug-in warp-pipe, a pair of wireless headsets, and a strange controller. Tim plugged the controller and warp-pipe into the machine and handed me a headset. "Here, put this on. It's the only way for us to talk to each other while I'm in the game-world," said Dexter, er, Tim. We both slid them on as he stood on his greenish pipe invention.
"Now, press the "Activate" button on the controller. I'm going in," said Tim.
As I did so, a spark flew from the warp-pipe, and Tim disappeared.
"Something's wrong." said a voice from nowhere.
I looked up on the TV screen and saw the absolute weirdest thing anyone could ever see......EVER.
It was yet another side of Tim I never seen before. He wore the same clothes, but they were red and he had on blue overalls. The skull-cap was red and it's skull changed into a red "T" on a white circle. His nose grew bigger and his goatee fanned out. It was so weird that it was funny!
"What's wrong?" I asked, with a small chuckle.
"MarTimo", as I called him, responded, "I'm not going to be able to return to the real-world unless I beat the final boss. If it's a Game Over, my fate is...obvious."
The game music began to play. Tim began to hum it, and excitedly shouted, "Ooh! Ooh! I love this song! Hey, Jeff, press the 'Groove' button on the controller!"
I highly regret that I obeyed. He couldn't stop dancing....just couldn't stop, no matter how many buttons I mashed my thumbs on. An enemy approached, and when it touched him, Tim was, was.....I couldn't bear the pathetic end of my best friend. As soon as I began to cry, I glanced at the screen to find that he had two lives left. "Oops. Bad idea. Can't do that again!" said the "resurrected" Funkmasta MarTimo.
"Got that right. Why did you even make that button?" I asked.
"I don't know. If someone were to write a story about this, it would be funny to put it in. Yeah, I think that's why. Crazy, I know."
"Why would someone write about this?!" I replied in a cheap laugh.
"Why are we still talking? It's save-the-world time!"
"Don't you mean cheesy-line time?"
"Whatever. Let's just play."
We soon came upon a large, red mushroom. When he touched it, he became as huge as.....something.....huge, and could jump very high.
Stomping through many enemies, we made our way to a strange, orange flower that was spewing fire. Touching it not only made his hat and overalls white and his hair red, but it also enabled him to shoot fireballs from his fists. Only they weren't fireballs, but instead flaming game discs. His first shot made him scream with fear, "Nooooo!!! Why must the awesome burn?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!"
We finally made it to a tall staircase, a flagpole, and a small castle. With a run and jump, Tim launched of the staircase, slid down the flagpole, and entered the castle.
This continued in the next two levels: one underground and the other underwater. However, I soon made it to a huge, dark, and terrifying castle filled with traps and dangers. Fireballs and chasms riddled the place. I was lucky to get past these, but I had no idea of the fiery, spike covered challenge that awaited me: Bowser.
He roared and breathed fire during the battle. Tim ran for cover in a nearby trench. He gave Bowser a taste of his own flaming medicine, and in moments, defeated him.
Full of pride, Tim ran into the next room, and a message read: "Thank you, MarTimo! But our princess is in another castle!" We didn't care about that, though. All we wanted was the warp-pipe to the next world, so we could enter the sword-swinging, "arrow"-shooting, boomerang-throwing hero. We were ready to enter the Link.
Now, all of Tim's clothes were shaded green, his cap was replaced with a weird-looking hat, and he had a quiver of "arrows," a sheath holding a sword, a shield, and a boomerang. Basically, he looked exactly like Link, only with a normal-looking face. As you can imagine, "Timk" looked weirder than ever was. Yet another form of Tim.
He was standing on a small, cliff-side ledge that looked out over the clouds and a big, blue ocean. In the distance was a similar ledge on a similar cliff. "Don't worry, I can handle this!" said Timk the....uh......terrified...? Tying a long, hanging vine to the end of an "arrow" and shooting another one not attached to a vine just above the distant ledge, the game disc, which replaced the arrowhead, dug into the cliff and was damaged. "Agh! Not again!" he yelled, hence his aforementioned namesake. When he shot the tied "arrow," it was the same thing! "NOOOOO!!! THE HORROR!!!!!" he shrieked.
"Bah, not this again. Let's just get through this world," I spoke with a sigh.
Timk tied the bit of vine he had in his hands to a nearby rock that stuck out of the cliff, and used his boomerang to zip-line over to the other ledge.
"Told you I could handle it," he smirked.
He crawled through a tight passage in the wall that led to some kind of dungeon, filled with enemies. He had to be stealthy to win this: these guards were tougher than the one's in the last world, and the dungeon was a vast maze.
After what seemed like millenniums-but-was-really-hours of battling guards and running into dead ends, I finally thought he was lost, until he came upon a secret passage, which led him into a small room with a chest. "Hm, I wonder what's in here..." said a sarcastic Timk. Opening it caused another message to appear on screen, this one reading, "You've just found the Master Sword! Yeah, it's that thing that you find in pretty much every Zelda game. Nothing special here. Ooh! Bananas!" Then it vanished.
"Ha, I knew it all along!" he boasted.
The rest of this world went by fast, and he made it to a large room. Crashing in from above was a strange, large, armored man with an odd accent and dark skin. Ganon.
He used huge and powerful attacks. Charged punches and kicks, and devastating dives were unleashed. With quick and tactical moves, however, Ganon suffered a defeat from Timk as crushing as his own fists.
Through yet another passage, Tin made his way to yet another warp-pipe to take him on yet another "prime" mission: Metroid.
The gear: a slick, black, metal, armored suit with a visor, an arm cannon, and the ability to roll into a ball. The nickname: Timus. The world: Hey, I already told you: Metroid!
Timus appeared in a small room filled with holograms and a narrow hall was set before him. A strange, pale blue door was at the end, and when it opened, Timus was in a giant room filled with enemies.
A few rooms over led him to a similar room, only with a red object near an even stranger-looking floating enemy hovering nearby. Walking towards the object caused the enemy to latch on to him, and draining his health.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! METROID!! GET IT OFF!!!!!!" he shouted.
Thinking quickly, Timus turned into ball form and set some "bombs" to blow it off. Thing is, his morph ball only turned him into his cap, and it moved around like a slug, only faster. Also, all he did when he was setting a "bomb" was setting a game disc on the ground. Nothing happened.
"Ah, at least this one wasn't destroyed," sighed Tim, in relief. A few seconds later, though, it exploded!
"UGH!!!! I CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN!!!!!"
Luckily, the Metroid let go, and Timus retrieved the red item: a missile launcher.
In the room just before the so-thought final boss was a morph ball maze, loaded with enemies and a health pick-up.
When this maze was conquered, Timus gained a power-up that would greatly help him in his battle against the dark boss: The power-up being the ability to charge up missiles.
She appeared in the middle of an arena-like room. She was a dark blue being that looked almost exactly like Timus. Her quickness was great, and her attacks were deadly.
Constantly firing shots from her own beam and planting bombs, the battle versus the agile Dark Samus was a tough one, so tough that I thought this was his end. He had to move as quick as his clone and get as many shots -and bombs- in. Once again, though, we were triumphant. Maybe I am a good gamer.
I decided to put the controller down after this to give my hands a well deserved rest. That had to be the final boss. But I was wrong.
A mysterious, short, and pudgy man with glowing red eyes dropped into the shadows. He stepped out, and I saw he was doing weird things, acting like he wasn't supposed to be here. He was tossing money and catching it, drawing pictures of money, kissing his wallet, etc. His face looked oddly familiar. No....it couldn't have been...
"Tim, you see that guy?" I asked.
"Yeah. What about him?" he replied.
"I think that's my boss. Ask him if his name is Boss E. Buxx."
"Okay."
Tim began to speak to this strange, bald man. "Um, hello? My friend thinks he knows you. Are you Boss E. Buxx?"
"No," the man said. "For that, I am...FINAL BOSS E. BIGBUXX!!! MUHUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
He rose up and became huge, filling up most of the room with his gigantic metal head. "I'M SICK OF YOU, YOU...NOT-MONEY-MAKING-EMPLOYEE-GUY!!!!!! BECAUSE OF YOU, OUR SHOP HAS BEEN REDUCED TO A CARDBOARD BOX IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUSY FREEWAY!!!!!!!! AAAAAGH!!!"
"And what are you going to do?" asked Tim.
"DESTROY....SOMETHING. YEAH!!!!!!!!!"
"Calm down. There's another way to solve the problem."
"LIKE WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"Um...you could...fire.....him."
"Then...YOU'RE FIRED!"
"I don't work for you."
BigBuxx's head flashed red. "Then.....YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!"
Flames shot out in every direction; roaring through the smoke-clogged room.
"Why are you taking this out on me? All I did was deliver game demos!" cried a burned Tim.
"AAARGH!!! YOU SCARED AWAY MONEY, I MEAN CUSTOMERS, AWAY WITH THOSE ESCAPED MANIACS!!!" boomed the bizarre boss.
Tim the Not So Triumphant Anymore was pummeled until he decided to take drastic measures and removed his awkward suit. Don't worry....he had clothes on underneath! Gaining a new ability, he ran for a hiding spot. Tim was ready to fight as his almost-everyday self...besides one thing.
BigBuxx was scraped and sliced with the spitfire of the ricocheting game discs that were fired from the hands of....Tim. Apparently, he also overcame a fear.
A delivery truck appeared and he jumped inside. With speed and power, he crashed into his -and my- enemy. He pulled off spectacular moves, but what was even more spectacular was the fact that I wasn't even touching the controller!
Finally, the final boss was defenseless, and in literally one final blow from Tim the Triumphant Again, he was finally defeated for the final time.
Tim finally headed into what seemed to be the final warp-pipe that would finally take him to his final destination: home. Instead, he ended up in a whole other world that even he was unfamiliar with. Maybe there is more to a game than we thought.
FINALLY, YOU MADE IT TO THE FINAL PART OF THIS STORY, AND THAT'S FINAL!
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And I've posted it online, and I've been getting nothing but positive reviews!
